May's Awesomely Youthful Expedition
by Freedom Fighter
Summary: Shortened title, full title listed inside... May finds herself ensnared in a 'Pokémon Mystery Dungeon' parody, with friends and foes alike filling out the cast! Will May ever be human again? Who will try to screw her over? And why, Kelly, WHY?
1. Prologue

**May's Awesomely Youthful and Stupendously Unique Expedition  
Story Written by Freedom Fighter**

Well, I'm about to attempt a daunting project for me this late in my writing career. I'm going to attempt to pen and release a nine-chapter story (plus this prologue and an epilogue) in a six-week span in order to get this done before a certain event in April arrives. That equates to two chapters a week.

Oh joy.

Anyway, judging by the fanfic's title and summary, you're probably intrigued as to what the actual plot is. Well, I'm not gonna tell you. You'll just have to read on to find out.

You do know that this stars May, who I've been wanting to write a story for in ages, and this should tap into the zany side of me that I don't dabble in all that much. I hope I'm funny!

But all stories gotta start somewhere...

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters portrayed in this fanfic. They all belong to Nintendo and Pokémon USA.

* * *

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**Prologue (03.05.07)**

On board a ship heading for the Hoenn Region, siblings May and Max, of famed gym leader Norman, had just left the Battle Frontier. They were finishing off what was left of a picnic lunch Brock had packed for them. Strange for it to be a lunch, seeing as their ship had pulled out of the dock at 6 pm.

Overlooking that, the two were enthusiastic about what lied ahead for them, as Max held a thick new contract for their just-approved new spin-off.

"It looks like the producers did us well by shuffling us onto another project!" Max said as he flipped through it.

"Pokémon USA is great!" May exclaimed. "To think they had so much pull that they convinced the Japanese staff to animate a spin-off show just for us!"

"Actually... that's not true..."

"What? Well, I guess falling back on some American animators won't be so bad..."

"Did you actually **READ** the contract, May?"

Starting to become a little panicked, May snatched the thick contract from Max and started to scan through it. After doing so, her hollers of joy were reduced to tears of disappointment.

"You mean this is for some guy's fanfic? Something that's non-profit and not officially endorsed by the actual creators of the anime?"

Max sighed. "Why did I let **YOU** negotiate for our future?"

May shook her head. "Well, I guess it could be worse."

"Really, May? How could it be worse?"

* * *

The next morning...

"Hello..."

No reaction.

"Hello..."

Slowly but surely, May began to open her eyes. At the same time, the rest of her senses came to life. In an instant, she realized that she was lying on a bed. And that the voice she was hearing sounded awfully familiar.

"Hello? Are you awake?"

May gasped. Her mind started to think of unpleasant thoughts.

"Oh no... it's happened! I actually slept with... **HIM**!"

"Wake up!" the familiar voice shouted. "It's time to get up!"

By this point, May had only opened her eyes about halfway, but her vision was not clear as of yet. But fearing the worst, she voluntarily closed them back up in haste.

"This is just a dream," she thought to herself. "This isn't happening. I am not sleeping with the groom the night before my best friend's wedding!"

"Don't make me have to reach over and touch something!"

"I'm too young to be sleeping with anyone!" May yelled as she sat up, her eyes shooting wide open.

"Uh... what?"

May glanced about, noticing that she was in an oval-shaped room. The walls were made out of wood; so was the floor beneath. The 'bed' she was lying on consisted of a small pile of leaves, and that was it. There was nothing else noteworthy in the room.

Except for the figure standing to her right.

"About time you woke up!" the figure said. "You're not making my job as Official Greeter of New Residents easy, are you?"

"Official Eater of New Presidents?"

"That's not what I said, you dumb cluck!"

May became enraged by that remark.

"How dare you talk to your sister like **THAT**, Max!"

May turned to slap the figure, thinking it was Max. But it wasn't. It was...

"Your sister? How can we be related if we just met? And my name isn't Max..."

May gasped as the figure revealed himself to her.

"It's Bulbasaur!"

"Wha? Who are you, and why do you sound like my little brother?"

May then realized as she stood up, that Bulbasaur was as tall as she was.

"And how does a Pokémon get to be that big?"

Bulbasaur blinked. "Big? I'm small for someone my age."

"Then what the..."

May then suddenly looked down at her body. Instead of human limbs and a human body, she had... orange feathers, small wings, and two chicken-like feet. She also noticed that she had a beak for a mouth.

"Oh no... it's happened! It's my worst nightmare **EVER**!"

"Even worse than thinking you slept with your younger brother?"

"Much worse. I've become..."

A drum roll played in the background for added effect.

"**ORANGE CHICKEN**!"

Bulbasaur sweatdropped.

"Actually..."

"You know, like that chicken they serve at those Chinese restaurants with the chopsticks and the two-lettered last names and that broth that looks orange-flavored but doesn't taste like it..."

"Pardon me..."

"As if orange sauce meant to only look orange but have no actual orange, orange juice, or orange-like preservatives among its ingredients..."

"**HEY!**"

"Excuse me?"

"You're a Torchic! Torchic!"

"You mean... I'm a Pokémon?!"

**To be continued...**


	2. Chapter One

**May's Awesomely Youthful and Stupendously Unique Expedition  
Story Written by Freedom Fighter**

By now, you should've realized that this fic is based on the 'Mystery Dungeon' games, with May playing the lead role. I debated a lot about how to exactly end the prologue, and decided that the big reveal of May being a Torchic was necessary to provide a hook for you, hopefully, to come back.

Things are about to get difficult, at least from the standpoint of keeping you guys interested, because in this first chapter, pretty much the entire cast is introduced. The number of characters needed is pretty large, so a lot of one-shot characters had to be put in. To keep in tune with this being a May-centric story, all of the minor characters featured appear in Hoenn or the Battle Frontier.

There's a cheat sheet in the notes at the end of chapter listing all of the cast and what episode of the anime they were in. If possible, try to avoid skipping down just to keep the introductions a surprise. Read through it, then check out the cast list, then reread those sections to help jog your memory.

You're going to find out that remembering each of the characters' personalities is important to understanding their role in this fic.

With that, here's the first chapter!

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters portrayed in this fanfic. They all belong to Nintendo and Pokémon USA.

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**Chapter One (03.06.07)**

_Flashback to 17 hours ago..._

Another uneventful day at M Middle School was just seconds from reaching its conclusion. Inside classroom 1-D, Professor Birch was in the midst of a lecture on the evolution of caterpillars into butterflies. A few rows back, towards the rear of the room, sat May, who was at attention and furiously jotting down notes in her binder.

Suddenly, the bell that dismissed the students for the day rang.

"Well," Professor Birch noted as he peered up at the clock. "I guess that it's for today!"

As Birch gathered his materials and walked out, the students began packing their things and slowly started to do the same. May, though, was still writing away as Kelly, who sat right next to her, tapped her on her right shoulder.

"Why are you still taking notes?" she asked. "The bell rang already!"

"Almost..." May mumbled.

Curious, Kelly glanced down at May's notebook. She then gawked in surprise when she saw that May wasn't taking notes! Instead, she was sketching what looked to be her dancing with a mysterious, masked stranger, while dressed in a ballroom gown.

"So... my best friend's finally started thinking about men **THAT** way, huh?" Kelly smirked.

"Ahh!" May freaked. "Don't scare me like that!"

"Awww... you're so adorable when you're surprised."

Kelly reiterated that point by rubbing her left cheek against May's right one. May blushed furiously.

"K-K-K-Kelly..."

"You two stop living out your fantasies!" chided Erica, who walked up from her seat in the front row. "Besides, there are better things to do. Like go shopping!"

"Right," Kelly remembered. "Blockbuster deals await!"

"Well, I just got my weekly allowance and I'm ready to blow it all in one spree!" May said excitedly.

Getting their belongings together, the three walked out of the room and into the hallway, which was already getting crowded with fellow students heading for the exits. Suddenly, Erica let out a high-pitched squeal as the man of her dreams emerged from the classroom next door. May and Kelly followed Erica's eyes and saw she was looking at their grade's resident hottie, Drew.

"Squee!" Erica squealed. "Isn't Drew dreamy? It's like I wanna wrap him up in a tortilla shell and eat him all up!"

"Eat him all up?" May and Kelly repeated, confused.

"Or maybe," she suggested, twiddling her fingers, "I'll have him eat me..."

Before she finished, another fellow classmate, Brianna, jumped in, pushing Erica off her feet and down to the floor.

"If anyone gets to fantasize about Drew, it's **ME**! Got it?"

"Kinda harsh..." Kelly noted.

"Yeah," added May. "Then again, Drew is kinda cute when you look at him from this angle..."

"**HANDS OFF!**" Brianna shouted, pulling a book out of her backpack and whacking May in the back of the head with it. "I said he's my property! You're trespassing on my property!"

"Last time I checked," recollected Kelly, "you've never actually gone up to him and asked him out on a date."

"I'm waiting for my really attractive parts to grow in. Unlike a certain 'early bloomer'..."

Brianna shot an angry glare at May... or rather, her burgeoning chest.

"No wonder you're the most popular seventh-grade girl in school, given that ample rack..."

"It's not like I can control it!"

"Don't hate because her milkshake brings all the boys to the yard!" defended Kelly.

"She can teach you," Erica added, "but she'll have to charge!"

"**YOU TWO AREN'T HELPING!**"

Suddenly, Drew walked towards the foursome, shooting a smile their way as he passed them.

"Hi."

The four fixated their eyes on Drew as he disappeared into the crowd. Erica sighed with elation as she nearly fainted, falling backwards into Kelly's arms.

"He said hi to me," Brianna said, a goofy smile on her face.

"I'm pretty sure he was saying hi to me!" May objected.

"I was looking right at him! He was smiling at me!"

"You need to get your eyes checked! He was eyeing me!"

Brianna and May then growled at each other, as sparks of electricity flew between their eyes. Kelly shook her head in disbelief as she continued to hold up Erica, who seemed to have passed out, drooling.

* * *

After Brianna had departed, but not before swearing that she'd win the battle for Drew's heart, May accompanied her friends Kelly and Erica, who was back to her normal self, off the school grounds. To their left, Professor Oak and Doctor Abby were in the midst of a conversation over near the track. Behind them, Nurse Joy was waving goodbye from the window in her office. And at the front gate, Principal Juan was seeing all of the kids off as they walked past him.

Once off the grounds, the trio headed east towards the local grade school. It was there that they were going to pick up May's younger brother, Max.

"So, why is the squirt tagging along?" pondered Erica out loud.

"Because my dad's out of town on a business trip and my mom is expecting an important delivery down at her flower shop today," May told her friends. "Mom doesn't like Max being home alone."

"Though she's okay with you being home alone?"

May smiled. "She recognizes how mature I am, that's all!"

"So she's not afraid of you bringing some boy home?" Kelly suggested. "And... you know..."

"I'm not like that!" May said, flabbergasted.

Kelly laughed. "I know, I know. Like I said, I love it when you're surprised!"

"You'd better be careful," Erica told May. "One of these days, Kelly might follow you home, if you catch my drift..."

"But that's okay," May replied. "Kelly and I have been at my house alone several times before!"

"Ehhhhhhhh?"

"Just doing things girls do, mind you," Kelly quickly cut in, easing Erica's thoughts.

"Yeah... that puts my mind at ease..."

"You're always invited over too," May told Erica, not completely getting it. "You know that!"

* * *

A few minutes later, May, Kelly, and Erica arrived at the grade school. Max was already at the front gate, chatting with one of his classmates, a shy girl named Mollie. Once he saw his sister coming, he said goodbye to Mollie and then ran over to May.

"Who's that?" May teased. "Your girlfriend?"

"Mollie's just a friend!" Max blushed as he defended her.

"Tee hee," Kelly snickered. "That face says otherwise!"

"Leave him alone," Erica said, standing up for Max. "After all, you can tell he's not interested in girls yet."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Max shot back at her.

"Come on!" May exclaimed, grabbing Max by the arm and pulling him down the street. "Time's a wasting, and I've got allowance to burn!"

"I bet Mom and Dad dread the day you get a credit card!"

* * *

As usual, the mall was filled with teens at this time of day, especially since they had all just gotten out of school. May led Max, Kelly, and Erica inside, where some familiar faces were strewn about. Jessie and Harley ran into 'Infinitely 18,' with James carrying a load of shopping bags behind them. Brock was attempting to take Solana into 'Veronica's Confidentials,' which she responded to by delivering a roundhouse kick to his jaw. She then stormed off, with Brock slowly following as blood trickled out of his mouth. They also spotted Cassidy and Butch sitting at a table in the food court. Though they seemed to be using it as an observation point to look for unsuspecting pigeons to swipe wallets and purses from.

Finally, the foursome walked past the arcade, at which point Max began to jump up and down in excitement over.

"Ooh, can I go? Can I go?"

May sighed. "Gee, Max, you're just like a little kid!"

"But he is a little kid," reminded Erica.

"But I don't feel like playing any games right now!" May whined.

"Out shopping again?" a voice asked from afar.

May turned and saw Ash standing before her, holding a McRs bag full of food and a medium soda in his hands.

"You know me, Ash Ketchum of 1-A!" May chimed. "It's a crime for any of my money to be left unused for more than a day!"

"I figured as much, May Hanuko of 1-D!"

"I've got a great idea!" Kelly suggested. "Ditch your brother with Ash here, and then we can get our spreeing on!"

"That's a wonderful, stupendous, spectacular idea!" Erica added with enthusiasm. "If only I had thought of it first!"

"But I can't leave him alone!"

"He won't mind," Ash said. "Besides, it won't just be us."

Ash pointed into the arcade, where twins Liza and Tate were wrapped up in a versus match of 'Dance Dance Revolution.'

"I'm with the space cadet twins!"

Max released his grip on May's hand and ran over and attached himself to Ash's wrist.

"I'll be just fine with Ash, sis! Nothing can go wrong!"

May sighed, seeing that everyone was against her. Even though she was cheering a little inside for being able to 'ditch the excess baggage' for an hour or two.

"Very well, you've got a deal!"

"Yippee!" Max cheered before detaching from Ash and running for the arcade.

"I'm counting on you!" May reminded Ash as her girlfriends pulled her away from the arcade and towards the nearby 'Bath, Beauty, and Beyond' store.

"Just remember to pick him up! I live halfway across town, y'know!"

* * *

As Max spent his own allowance in the arcade playing games with Ash, Liza, and Tate, May and the girls were blowing their money the only way they knew how...

"Doesn't this smell heavenly?" Erica squealed as she showed May and Kelly a bottle full of cinnamon apple-flavored lotion at 'Bath.'

"Do you think my parents'll freak if I come home with earrings?" Kelly asked as she held up a pair of red ones next to her ear, with May and Erica looking on at 'Chrissy's.'

"This is **SO** going home with me!" May giggled as she held up a form-fitting red short sleeve-shirt (ironically, the same one she wears regularly in the anime series) at 'Dewy Seel.'

"That's **SO** you!" Kelly and Erica chimed in.

* * *

It didn't take long for May and her friends to part ways with all of their allowance, so they returned to the arcade and watched Ash, Max, and the twins play to their heart's content.

But soon, it came time for them all to head home...

"Bye!" May waved farewell to her friends. "See you tomorrow!"

"See ya!" Kelly and Erica waved back.

The two girls continued on down the street together, as they resided on the same block, as May and Max walked up to the front door of their house... a two-story, white cedarwood cottage.

"Mom! We're home!" Max shouted as he opened the door and stepped inside.

"Great timing!" their mother, Caroline, yelled from the kitchen. "Hurry and wash up... dinner'll be ready in five minutes!"

"**O-KAY!**" the two shouted in unison.

* * *

Right on cue, May and Max were at the dining table just as Caroline walked out of the kitchen, holding a steaming pot of... something.

"What are we having tonight?" Max asked, excited with anticipation.

"Your favorite!" Caroline smiled in reply. "Haggis!"

May watched in horror as her mom dropped a ladleful of haggis, which resembled a bunch enlarged, soft-roasted chestnuts.

"Gack!" May double-taked, swallowing a small bit of air. "**HAGGIS?**"

"Say..." Max smirked, "Mom, can you remind me what haggis is made out of?"

"No! You know I hate **THAT**!"

"Well, Max... uh, let me see..."

"Mom, no! Please!"

"Oh, yes! It's the heart, liver, and lungs of a sheep, boiled in its own stomach!"

Suddenly, May's face turned an ill shade of green. She lifted her hand to cover her mouth and excused herself from the table, quickly bolting for the bathroom.

"You know," Caroline stated with worry, "one of these days, we'll have to tell her the truth."

"I wanna see her go nuts first," Max commented as he bit into the 'haggis,' which actually was a soft-roasted chestnut.

Or was it...

"Yuck!" Max stated with disgust. "What's with the chestnuts?"

Caroline scratched her head, a bit confused, then snapped her fingers, apparently remembering something.

"Oh, that's right! The store didn't have any chestnuts today, so I skipped the 'joke' portion of dinner and went right to the main event!"

"You... you mean..."

"That's right times two! That's the real thing! That's haggis!"

At the mentioning of that revelation, Max's face also turned green, as he placed a hand over his mouth and ran for the next closest bathroom. Caroline shrugged her shoulders and took a bite into the haggis. A strange, tingling sensation worked its way from her mouth down to her toes back.

"Wow!" she giggled. "That's some good haggis!"

* * *

A little while later, after managing to find something to eat that was more suited to her stomach, and after doing her homework, May was on her computer in her room, playing a game. But she wasn't just playing any game. She was playing 'Pokémon: Mystery Dungeon.'

"Today's the day... I'm going to beat this level!"

_(Inset - Frosty Grotto 5F)_

May's Torchic stood face to face with Articuno as she ordered her partner Pokémon, Bulbasaur, to keep its distance. The battle then commenced, as Torchic kept firing Ember at Articuno, quickly gaining the upper hand. Articuno shot back with Powder Snow, but it was having little effect on Torchic. Bulbasaur, on the other hand...

It didn't take long, but a few minutes later, and after the use of a few Reviver Seeds, mostly by Bulbasaur, Torchic succeeded in beating Articuno.

"Woo hoo!" May hollered as she danced around the room. "I'm the best! I'm the best! I'm the best!"

"Will you keep it down?" Max exclaimed in anger as he stood at the doorway to May's room. "I've got a test tomorrow, and I've gotta study!"

"Why bother? We all know you're going to get a 100 on it. Pfft... as usual."

"At least I strive for the top. Unlike some people."

Max grinned from ear to ear as he pulled out three test papers, all with May's name on it. And the scores read 56, 65, and 63.

"Now that's not fair!" May exclaimed as she snatched her tests away from Max. "You know girls aren't good at math!"

"The odds that your statement is true are 25,494 to 1. Not all girls aren't good at math. Just you."

"Well, I know five and five is ten, and that's how many fingers it's gonna take to wring your scrawny little neck!"

May lunged for Max's throat, but in the process, she tripped over her own two feet and landed face-first on the floor. Max laughed as he perched himself on May's back, then reached for her right leg.

"What are you doing back there?"

"Hee... something I learned in the 'Little Brother's Handbook to Older Sisters!'"

Max bent May's right leg towards him before proceeding to pull off her sock. While holding the leg in position with one hand, Max used the fingers on his free hand to tickle her foot. May broke out in hysterics as Max's digits danced all over the bottom of her foot, and she couldn't contain the laughter within herself. Or break free of her brother's grip.

"Hee hee... stop! Tee ha ha... I can't... ha... I'm so... ahh... there!"

"Well, well... looks like someone's having fun!"

Max stopped his torture of his sister and turned around to see his dad, Norman, standing at the door. Noticing her brother wasn't assaulting the sole of her foot anymore, May caught her breath and looked up, spotting her dad there as well.

"Dad, you're home early!" Max rejoiced, getting off of May's back and running over to wrap his arms lovingly around Norman.

"Oh God," May sniffled as she used the back of her hand to dry the tears in her eyes. "You've come home!"

May trotted over and also gave her dad a big hug. Norman stood there silently as he let his two children continue to cling to his waist. It had only been a few days since he had left on his business trip, but they seemed to react the same way no matter how long he was gone.

"So Dad, are you going to tell us about your latest adventure?" Max asked. "I can't wait to hear what you got into this time!"

"And please tell me this one involves an adorable Pokémon!" chimed May.

"Now, now," Caroline butted in, walking into the room. "Max, you know what time it is."

"Awww... but I'm not sleepy yet!"

"And May, I heard you have a math test tomorrow."

Caroline knelt down and picked up one of May's test papers from the floor and handed it to Norman... who gasped in surprise.

"If I were you, young lady, I'd start studying."

"Awww... but I wanna hear Dad's story!"

"Listen to your mother now. Besides, I can tell you the story tomorrow."

"Come on, Max," Caroline said as she pulled Max out of the room. Go brush your teeth and change into your pajamas..."

"Honey?" Norman shot puppy dog eyes at May. "How come you never told me that you were struggling in math?"

"Because I..." May stuttered. "Because... I..."

"Let me show you a few things that always worked for me! Now, let's start by going over your last test..."

Norman started guiding May through it all, pointing out her mistakes and showing her how to avoid them in the future. As he worked his mathematician magic on her daughter, Caroline smiled as she peered into the room from the hallway.

* * *

_Present time..._

"After that, I remember falling asleep. The next thing I knew, I woke up here... telling you about how... I... got... here."

Bulbasaur was flabbergasted by the story.

"Wow-wee wowzers!"

May sweatdropped. "Wow-wee wowzers?"

"It's just like 'The Wizard of Oz!' Only the ending came before all of the other stuff."

"What's 'The Wizard of Oz?'"

"Never mind! Say... what's your name, anyway?"

"It's May, silly! You know my name, brother!"

"First of all, I am **NOT** your brother! And secondly... ha ha HA! That's like the stupidest name **EVER**!"

"My birth name's actually Haruka, **BUT I HAD TO CHANGE IT SO PEOPLE WOULD THINK OF ME AS AN AMERICAN**!"

"Ha **HA**!" Bulbasaur continued to laugh, now having fallen on his back. "That's the worst Japanese-to-English name translation in the history of anime dubs!"

"**YOU TAKE THAT BACK!**" May yelled, pecking away at Bulbasaur's head.

"Ow ow ow ow **OW**!"

"Pardon me..."

May stopped pounding on Bulbasaur when she noticed that a Butterfree was hovering in the doorway.

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything important..."

"Gasp!" May gasped. "You sound just like Kelly's mom!"

The Butterfree smiled with glee. "So you know who my daughter is already? Then I **HAVE** come to the right Rescue Team!"

May turned to look at Bulbasaur and dumbfounded asked him a question.

"Uh... we're a rescue team?"

**To be continued...**

**Character Guide:** Who's who in "May's Awesomely Youthful and Stupendously Unique Expedition?" Check out the list below... or better yet, copy it onto a word processor and print it out so you can keep track of which characters actually end up playing which role.

Note that not all of the characters were introduced in this chapter... they will be showcased when their 'role characters' actually appear.

Without further ado... the list!

We'll start with the easy ones.

May as Torchic  
Max as Bulbasaur  
Ash Ketchum as ?  
Brock as ?  
Professor Oak as ?  
Professor Birch as ?  
Jessie as ?  
James as ?  
Cassidy as ?  
Butch as ?  
Drew as ?  
Harley as ?

Let's throw in some gym leaders and other second-tier characters.

Norman (May & Max's dad; Petalburg gym leader) as ?  
Caroline (May & Max's mom) as ?  
Nurse Joy (from Petalburg City, "Love, Petalburg Style!") as ?  
Liza & Tate (twin siblings; Mossdeep gym leaders) as ?  
Juan (Sootopolis gym leader) as ?  
Solana (Pokémon Ranger, "The Green Guardian") as ?  
Solidad (Kanto Grand Festival Champion, "May, We Harley Drew'd Ya") as ?

And the rest of the rest... (in order of appearance in this fic).

Kelly (Lilycove Coordinator, "Pokéblock, Stock, and Berry") as ?  
Erica (Pacifidlog Coordinator, "Mean with Envy!") as ?  
Brianna (May's rival for Drew's affections; Chrysanthemum Coordinator, "Spontaneous Combusken") as ?  
Dr. Abby (Pokémon Aroma-therapist; former Grand Festival Champion, "Delcatty Got Your Tongue") as ?  
Mollie (novice Coordinator, "What I Did for Love") as ?  
Kelly's mom ("Pokéblock, Stock, and Berry") as Butterfree

There are many others that have yet to be introduced! Will you be able to keep track of them all?


	3. Chapter Two

**May's Awesomely Youthful and Stupendously Unique Expedition  
Story Written by Freedom Fighter**

Thanks to everyone who's reviewed so far! More randomness comes your way in this next chapter. You want proof this isn't a normal retelling of the 'Mystery Dungeon' games? Then read this chapter!

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters portrayed in this fanfic. They all belong to Nintendo and Pokémon USA.

* * *

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**Chapter Two (03.12.07)**

"Let me just repeat myself..." May started. "We're a rescue team?"

"Whatever you want, toots," Bulbasaur shrugged.

"What?"

"Well, the village is short on Rescue Teams after Team Furret got eaten by a hungry, hungry Snorlax. Then, there's Team Jigglypuff, who skipped town after it was discovered that they're lip synchers! And let's not forget Team Pikachu, who all got their heads chopped off by some angry Scyther."

May gasped. "Is that how we're passing off that Pikachu isn't in this series because it had a prior contract obligation?"

* * *

Somewhere far, far away...

"Okay," said a mysterious voice. "Fans are complaining that, as the mascot of the Pokémon franchise in the 'Smash Brothers' games, that you're not the strongest Pokémon in the game."

Pikachu nodded, listening with intent.

"Therefore, you're going to go under some intense training to power up. We'll start by having you battle Entei, Raikou, Suicune, and Houndour... all **AT THE SAME TIME**!"

Entei, Raikou, Suicune, and Houndour all entered the training facility, growling as they made their entrances. Pikachu started to panic... before wondering out loud what Houndour was doing there.

"Houndour is Entei's apprentice. It insisted upon being part of this beatdown."

The four dog Pokémon closed in on a cowering Pikachu.

* * *

"Yeah..." Bulbasaur replied, with a sweatdrop. "We'll go with that."

"Ahem," coughed the Butterfree who sounded like Kelly's mom. "Isn't there a certain daughter of mine that you're supposed to save?"

"Oh, right!" remembered May. "Well, let's get to it!"

* * *

_Twenty minutes later - Tiny Woods B1F_

May and Bulbasaur were walking through Tiny Woods, searching for Kelly. But as they did, they came to a startling realization...

"I've become trapped inside my favorite video game!" May exclaimed.

Bulbasaur had to do a double take. "Pardon me?"

"Somehow, I've been sucked into 'Pokémon: Mystery Dungeon!'"

Bulbasaur shrugged his shoulders. "So?"

"That means that I have to make sure I don't fall in battle! Because if I do..."

May paused for dramatic effect.

"**I'LL DIE!**"

"Don't be ridiculous! Pokémon don't die... we multiply!"

May scratched her head. "I felt like I've heard that saying before, but I can't quite place it..."

Suddenly, May and Bulbasaur came across a Pidgey, who was casually trotting about, minding its own business.

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" May squealed. "Isn't that Pidgey the cutest?"

Having heard May's comment, Pidgey glanced over toward her. Then, without warning, it started running towards May.

"Awww, it's coming over to say hello!"

Pidgey ran into May shoulder-first, knocking her Torchic body back a space or two.

"Hey! What was that for?"

Bulbasaur retaliated by using Tackle. The move did enough damage to knock out Pidgey before it could attack again.

"You have to be more careful!" Bulbasaur scolded May. "If you let your guard down, you'll end up the one needing rescuing!"

"Sorry," May apologized. "I forgot that in the actual dungeons, pretty much every Pokémon is an enemy. None of them want to become your friend!"

"That's the way it is. Pokémon who live in gated communities are usually more friendly than those who live out in the wild. They also tend to buy Marill Scout Cookies by the barrel... but that's another story."

"Say... now that I think about it... how will we know what Pokémon we're looking for? Kelly could be just about any 'mon."

"Simple. If we knock somebody out and it turns out she's the one we're looking for, then we don't get a reward! Simple as that."

"Ummmm... how 'bout we figure out what she is **BEFORE** that happens?"

"Or, we could just skip to the end of the dungeon..."

* * *

_Tiny Woods B4F_

"Like that!"

May and Bulbasaur were standing in a tiny clearing, where a Caterpie was lying on the ground, silently weeping.

"You know," May suggested, "I think the readers would've liked it more if we had done a montage instead, showing us having an assorted amount of luck with Pidgey and the other Pokémon in this dungeon."

"Yeah, but... then the animation budget would run out before the end of the chapter."

"Fanfiction doesn't have an animation budget, silly!" Caterpie, who was being voiced by Kelly, giggled.

"Oh, just do what you're supposed to do so we can move on with the story!"

Caterpie (Kelly) squirmed over to May and nestled herself right into the middle of May's chest. Torchic started to freak out over this, blushing furiously, yet unable to lift a wing to stop Caterpie.

* * *

_Rescue Team Headquarters_

"The poll numbers are in!" Bulbasaur said to Butterfree. "The furry, loli, and yuri fans all loved that last sequence!"

"I can't believe I bet an Oran Berry, a Pecha Berry, and a Rawst Berry on that!" Butterfree scoffed as she paid up her due to Bulbasaur.

"Technically, we didn't go full-blown yuri," Caterpie said aloud, eyeing May up, who was still a bit flustered over the scene and the fact Bulbasaur and Butterfree bet on it happening. "But I'm game if May-chan is!"

"**I DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR THIS JUST TO BE TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF!**" May exclaimed.

"Well," Max scoffed, "then take advantage of the situation! You can start by naming the Rescue Team!"

"Okay then... I've decided that our Rescue Team will be named... Team Chic!"

"Team Chic?" Bulbasaur, Caterpie, and Butterfree all questioned.

"That's because I'm a Torchic, and the most stylin' one of all!"

"I like it!" Caterpie exclaimed. "Almost as much as I love you..."

"Sorry, but **YOU** can't be part of the team."

"Awwww... but we're like bestest, bestest friends now, right?"

"Friends don't try to bury themselves in each other's... stuff..."

"Besides," Butterfree interjected, "a certain daughter of mine still has yet to master String Shot."

"Good point!" Caterpie agreed. "I can't catch a mate if I don't have a long-range aphrodisiac in my arsenal!"

"I don't like where this is going," May sweatdropped.

"I'm glad it gets better from here on out!" Bulbasaur said with a smirk.

* * *

_Three mornings later..._

May had risen with the sun that morning, but happier days were upon her. Sure, she was still a Pokémon, but the good news was that despite Caterpie's claim that they were bestest bestest friends, she hadn't seen her since the day she rescued her.

"Maybe I can manage to avoid her again if I go outside and actually do a Mission," May thought out loud. "After all, that's what us Rescue Teams do for a living!"

May proceeded outside, where she found Bulbasaur by the mailbox, talking to a Pelipper.

"And that's all there is to it!"

"Thanks, Pelipper!" Bulbasaur said. "Nice to meet ya!"

Pelipper nodded, then got a running start before taking off into the sky, on her way back to the Post Office.

"Who was that?" May asked.

"Oh, that's just Pelipper. She's in charge of the Pelipper Post Office. The Pelipper there are responsible for delivering mail. Particularly missions specifically for Rescue Teams. We aren't well-known enough to get those yet."

"I say, she sounded awfully familiar. Kinda like Savannah, who's the President of the 'Parent-Teacher Association' at my school."

"She sounds like a good mother of a parent. I guess that explains why she threw us a pity mission."

"A... pity mission?"

Bulbasaur nodded. "Apparently, there's this client that every Rescue Team in the village worked for at one time or another. He always asks for the same thing... an escort to a female Nidoran that he's in love with."

"That sounds romantic!" May gushed.

"Problem is, he keeps asking for the same escort time and time again! He must really love this girl to keep asking for help. Too bad it seems his sense of direction is lousy. That, or the only muscles in his body that work are in his heart."

"I'm always willing to help someone in need! So... **LET'S GO!**"

* * *

_Thunderwave Cave B1F_

"Take this!" May shouted, using Scratch to take out a Rattata.

"Bulbasaur uses Tackle!" exclaimed Bulbasaur, calling out his own attack.

"Say... so where is our client? Weren't we supposed to meet him at the entrance?"

Out of the blue, a Nidoran male came from around the corner. He was running from his life, as a Poochyena was chasing him.

"Growl!" Bulbasaur growled. "Weaken its attack!"

May ran forward, jumping in between Nidoran male and Poochyena, just as the latter was about to attack. May took the brunt of the direct hit, but luckily, it didn't knock her out. She was breathing heavily in exhaustion, though.

"Go mess... with... someone else!" May yelled as she used Scratch on Poochyena.

May knocked out Poochyena with one blow, to Nidoran male's surprise. The client showed his gratitude by bowing before May and Bulbasaur.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!"

"You might wanna save some of those thank yous for after we find your girl," May said to him.

"Of course."

"Alright, Brock," identified May as she headed for the stairs. "Let's find your girl!"

"Brock..." Nidoran smiled. "I like that name."

"Don't mind Torchic," Bulbasaur told him. "She's apparently a human trapped in a Pokémon's body."

"Ugh! That is such a turn-off!"

"Lucky for me," May winked, "I'm too young for you!"

"But apparently not too young for Caterpie!" Bulbasaur laughed.

May ran over and performed a Scratch attack on Bulbasaur.

"Owwie ow ow!"

"I thought we promised **NOT** to bring up what Kelly did!"

"How is just saying her **NAME** bringing **IT** up?"

Nidoran sighed. "She's probably too young for me, too."

* * *

_Thunderwave Cave B3F_

"According to this note from you," May said, holding it up, "this girl of yours is waiting for you on Floor B4F?"

"Uh huh, uh huh," Nidoran noted as his face turned a bright red.

"If you don't mind me asking... if your sense of direction is so bad that you need an escort to find her, then why don't you meet her in some place other than a dungeon?"

"Well," Nidoran twiddled his thumbs, "the truth is... this is the first time I'm seeing this girl."

"**YOU MEAN YOU'VE NEVER MET HER?**" May and Bulbasaur hollered.

"I'm such a stud, you see. Every girl in the world wants to date me! I get tons of letters from Nidoran females who are desperate for my love!"

"That must mean a ton of girlfriends. Must be hard keeping them from finding out about each other."

"Yeah... if I had girlfriends."

"**WHAT?**" they screamed together.

"You see... for some reason, something always happens that makes the date go south. I've never... actually made it to the end of a date in 139 tries!"

"I didn't realize there were that many Nidoran females around these parts," Max commented.

"You'd think that the pool would've dried up by now," stated May.

"But I have a feeling," Nidoran said as he clenched his fist. "This is the one! I will finish a first date, and make it to a second date! I swear, I will make it **SO**!"

"And we'll do whatever it takes to help!" May proclaimed. "Even if it's something that's not in our job description!"

"Be careful what you wish for," Max warned. "It may come true..."

* * *

_Thunderwave Cave B4F_

May and Nidoran male were in a giant room in the cavern, surrounded on both sides by a Voltorb. Bulbasaur was a few paces away, trying to cut off an Elekid who was trying to join the fray.

"Bulbasaur uses Tackle!"

Bulbasaur leaped over to get Elekid, but his attack missed! Meanwhile, May used Scratch on one of the two Voltorb beside her.

"Take that!"

Critical hit! The first Voltorb goes down without fail! But, of course, there was the other one, which used Tackle on Nidoran male and knocked Brock out cold.

"Oh no!" gasped Bulbasaur.

"Don't worry, girls," gagged Brock as he began to pass out. "My heart will... go on."

"**NOT SO FAST!**" May yelled, pulling a seed out of nowhere and throwing it in the direction of Nidoran's mouth.

The seed shot straight to the back of Nidoran's throat, and he instantly swallowed. Mere seconds later, Nidoran jumped to his feet, back to full strength again.

"Ha ha ha!" May laughed haughtily. "You guys must be thanking your stars that I found a Reviver Seed on the previous floor! I'm so good at this game, I scare myself sometimes!"

"Since you saved my skin, I ought to tell you a little secret."

"What is it?"

"Um... well... the reason I need an escort is..."

Out of the blue, a number appeared above the head of each of the Pokémon in the room. May and Bulbasaur both had a 6 above theirs. The Voltorb next to May had a 3. Elekid, trying to run in and help Voltorb, had a 5. But Brock?

"A one?" Bulbasaur said, sweating heavily in fear.

"That means..." May deduced... "**YOU'RE A LEVEL ONE?**"

The shock of the revelation caused May, in the midst of using Scratch again, to not pull all of her effort into the attack. May's attack did connect, but despite taking a pretty good hit, the electric-type was still standing.

"Crap!" May thought to herself. "I only had one Reviver Seed and now Brock is open to attack! If he conks out this time, there's no reviving him! If that happens, we fail the mission! And if we fail the mission..."

Voltorb was debating what to do, but it became clearly obvious he was eyeing Nidoran again.

"Then I'll die! And if I die, I'll never get out of this game! I'll be stuck here eating Berries and Seeds for the rest of my life!"

Voltorb had made his decision... he was going for Nidoran!

"I've only got one shot at this!"

May pulled out another item and threw it as hard as she could at Brock. May had to hope that Brock would catch it in time and use it to stay alive.

But alas, Brock miscalculated and the item went through his hands, ending up hitting him in the noggin. May was appalled as she saw Brock had received 3 HP of damage from being hit by... a Super Mushroom from 'Mario Brothers?'

"You're supposed to be helping him, not hurting him!" Bulbasaur yelled.

"How was I supposed to know it wouldn't work?" May cried.

Voltorb used Tackle on Nidoran male. The resulting blow was more than enough to knock Brock out... this time, for good.

"Next time..." Brock said slowly as he blacked out, "get a 1-up Mushroom..."

Suddenly, a piece of paper appeared in May's hands. It read 'You failed to protect the client! Mission failed!' May felt herself begin to black out, as the figures of Bulbasaur, Voltorb, and Elekid around her became fuzzy.

"This is the end... goodbye cruel world!"

* * *

"May..."

Silence.

"May..."

More silence. Followed by growling from the mysterious voice.

"I'm not repeating your name over and over again because I like you, you know! Answer me, May!"

"Hu... huh?"

"Man... you sleep like a Snorlax, I swear!"

"Who... who... who are you?"

"Man, you're dense."

"Dense? Stop insulting me, you... wait, you said I sleep like a Snorlax?"

"Oh, great... you're hard of hearing, too."

"So... I'm not dead?"

The voice sighed. "Fans at home... please tell me why you people like seeing May and I as a couple? Because... she's not doing it for me."

"Wait a minute! If you're who I think you are... why are you showing up after I failed a mission? Aren't you supposed to appear after I pass one?"

"Beats me. You're the one who screwed up the storyline by skipping the Magnemite rescue mission."

"It's **MY** fault the writer couldn't cast two Magnemite?"

"You know what... I'm tired of listening to you today! When you stop acting like a dumb brunette, ring me up."

"But how? I don't even know your number!"

The voice didn't respond.

"Hello?"

Silence again.

"Great. I'm talking to myself. I bet he thinks I'm crazy now."

* * *

_The next morning, outside Team Chic Headquarters_

"I had this crazy dream last night!" May exclaimed.

"Who cares?" Bulbasaur blew her off. "Look, we still have about a page and a half to burn, so I'm gonna spend it giving you a tour of Town Square!"

"So this is where I meet Gulpin, Kangaskhan, the Kecleon, and all the others, right?"

"**WHY DON'T YOU GO AND RUIN THE END OF THE STORY, WHILE YOU'RE AT IT?**" yelled Bulbasaur.

* * *

_Town Square_

"Okay... so if you're not wandering around a dungeon, you're most likely spending your time here."

"Like a mall of sorts. That's awesome!"

"Yes, May... awesome. Anyway, let's get started..."

"We'll start with the Item Shop, run by these two Kecleon!"

The two Kecleon bowed before May and Bulbasaur, then began showing off their merchandise.

"I run the 'everyday' shop," stated the green Kecleon. "The items one needs on a daily basis, like Berries, Seeds, and Scarves, can only be found here! And all at a reasonable price!"

"That's fine and all," cut in the purple Kecleon, "but if you want the stuff that's really gonna help you in the dungeons, buy it from me! I special in selling Orbs and Technical Machines! When you really need the edge, my shop is the only place to get a leg up on the competition!"

"So please," they said in perfect unison, "buy something today!"

"They also buy items from you if you're looking to sell," Bulbasaur noted as he led May away to the next shop.

"I told you not to be an aggressive seller, sis!"

"Hey, I'm almost to stock capacity, bro! This stuff has to go, go, **GO**!"

Next up is the Item Storage Facility, run by Kangaskhan.

"A Rescue Team is only allowed to carry a certain number of items at a time," Bulbasaur explained. "So, sometimes teams have to put all of their extras in storage."

"That's where I come in!" Kangaskhan stated. "Besides, don't you know that when you fail a mission, some of your items get lost? Never worry about losing items ever again by dropping off your extras and other things you can't bear to lose here! My promise is that nothing ever, ever gets lost, for as long as you have a Rescue Team!"

"I see," nodded May. "Well, thanks... Mom!"

"M-m-mom?" Kangaskhan did a double take as Bulbasaur pulled May away. "I know I'm old, but I'm not that old..."

Bulbasaur next took May to the Village Bank, where Persian was the manager.

"Dad?" May freaked, recognizing his voice immediately. "You run the bank?"

"I have no idea who this 'Dad' is you speak of," Persian said. "All I do is run the bank and manage your money!"

"You lose all of your money on hand whenever you fail a mission," Bulbasaur told May. "To make sure all of your hard wages and money collecting doesn't go to waste, you can deposit your Poké here!"

Two doors down was Wigglytuff's Friend Area Realtors.

"In order to recruit new team members," Wigglytuff told them, "they have to have a place to live nearby so that can help you at a moment's notice. These places are called Friend Areas!"

"This is how we convince enemies to become friends!" added Bulbasaur. "By offering them reasonable rent!"

"Just to show my gratitude to you... just for signing up to be a part of my newsletter, you'll get your first three Friend Areas free!"

"**FREE?**" May squealed. "Now **THAT'S** what a down-on-her-luck girl like me wants to hear!"

Wigglytuff brought out a contract and an ink stamp pad. May, without hesitation, placed the tips of her right wing in the pad to ink it, then pressed them firmly against the contract, therefore signing it and making it official.

"Are you done yet?" Bulbasaur asked, grabbing May again. "We've got more to see!"

As Bulbasaur pulled May away, Wigglytuff smiled as she filed the new contract, then turned to her right and waved at Persian. Persian responded by cheerily smiling and waving back. But in doing so, he incurred the wrath of Kangaskhan, who was watching the whole scene and wasn't particularly too happy about it all.

Next up was Gulpin, better known as the move-linker.

"Well, there goes my introduction," Gulpin said.

"You sound just like my homeroom teacher, Professor Birch!" May exclaimed.

Bulbasaur explained Gulpin's role. "He can link moves, rearrange moves, and help you remember moves. Very important, since one can only know four moves at a time, and sometimes you wanna fall back on old skills over newer ones."

"Awww..." Gulpin lowered his head, saddened. "All of this hot air of mine... useless."

And the tour continues...

"East of here is the Pelipper Post Office," Bulbasaur told May, "where the Pelipper all live and sort and send out mail. You met Pelipper earlier. Meanwhile, to the south is Makuhita's Dojo, where you can go to get some training. You haven't met Makuhita, but since the guy voicing him didn't show up for his recording session, we cut him out of the entire production."

"Let me guess... his name's Rocky, and he's looking for his girl Adrian, right?"

"Why do you insist on giving everyone names?"

"It's easier to remember everybody! Tate, Liza, Mom, Dad, Nurse Joy, Professor Birch, Savannah, and Rocky are all easier to remember than Kecleon, Kecleon, Kangaskhan, Persian, Wigglytuff..."

"You're simple-minded, aren't you?"

"**HEY NOW!**" Whiscash, the town sage butted in. "We're out of time! My tofu's ready, so because of you Slowpoke, we have to wait until the next chapter to introduce me! Darn it..."

* * *

_Mt. Steel 9F_

Meanwhile, up on Mt. Steel, a Skarmory was licking his lips as he prepared to bite into his supper... an unconscious Diglett lying on a ceramic plate.

* * *

_Team Chic Headquarters_

A Dugtrio was looking around the building, as if he expected May and Bulbasaur to be there. But, of course, they weren't there since they were touring Town Square at the time. And apparently, that's another mission skipped...

(Caption of the scene - "Well, -beep-!")

**To be continued...**

**Character Guide, Part Two:** Were you paying attention? In case you weren't... here's who's been revealed in this chapter (in order of appearance)!

Kelly as Caterpie  
Savannah (Mother; Rubello Coordinator, "A Fan with a Plan") as Pelipper  
Brock as Nidoran Male

? as -Mysterious Dream Voice-

Tate as Green Kecleon  
Liza as Purple Kecleon  
Caroline as Kangaskhan  
Norman as Persian  
Petalburg Nurse Joy as Wigglytuff  
Professor Birch as Gulpin  
Rocky ("Training Wrecks") as Makuhita  
? as Whiscash

Who will be introduced next time? You gotta be here to find out!


	4. Chapter Three

**May's Awesomely Youthful and Stupendously Unique Expedition  
Story Written by Freedom Fighter**

Maybe I'm lucky I started with a blanket PG-13 rating. This is starting to get dodgy...

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters portrayed in this fanfic. They all belong to Nintendo and Pokémon USA.

* * *

****

**Chapter Three (03.15.07)**

_Whiscash Pond_

"It's about time you arrived! I was beginning to think you hadn't survived!"

May and Bulbasaur were standing in front of Whiscash Pond. There, Whiscash, the town sage, was in the midst of officially greeting them.

"Ah, welcome, Torchic! You peck with an ounce of flight! You orange chicken!"

"Huh?" May asked, confused.

"And you, Bulbasaur! With your leech seed and vine whip! A new job, I see!"

"Yep!" Bulbasaur replied. "I'm part of Rescue Team Chic now!"

"Wait a minute!" May exclaimed. "You understand what he's saying?"

"Oh we officially welcome you, yes! They call me Whiscash, fave food is the yam! Half the fun is figuring who I am! It is too bad you only get one guess!"

"Um... the town sage?"

"May guesses that you're the town sage! Whiscash, for the grand prize, is... that... your... **IDENTITY**?"

May stepped back in surprise as tense music started playing and several spotlights whooshed around Whiscash, despite the fact that they were in an open space in the middle of the day! After a few seconds, the music stopped, the spotlights froze on Whiscash, and tense silence gripped the pond and its inhabitants.

"I cannot tell a lie! I'm a poet... and a town sage, by and by!"

May screamed with happiness. "Sweet! I got it right! So, what do I win?"

Whiscash opened his mouth wide in order to reveal May's prize. There, on his large tongue, rested a freshly minted...

"Rescue Team Badge!" Bulbasaur said, grabbing and bringing it over to May.

May facefaulted.

"Don't I already have one of those? Oh, wait... **YOU MEAN I'VE BEEN DOING RESCUE MISSIONS WITHOUT ONE**?"

"Blame the bureaucratic red tape," Bulbasaur said. "You already got your 'Being a Rescue Team for Dummies and Humans Who Have Been Turned into Pokémon' kit a few days ago, so you're alright."

"Well, at least it's the official badge for an official Rescue Team on the official order of the official town sage, Whiscash."

Bulbasaur nodded. "It's official."

"Wait, why are we referencing lines from the first season of the anime dub?"

"It's called filling time because the producer couldn't come up with a good joke for this moment. So **STOP ASKING QUESTIONS ALREADY**!"

"Fine, fine."

May then turned to Whiscash and bowed before him.

"Thank you very much! I promise to uphold the ideals and expectations thrust upon me, as leader of a Pokémon Rescue Team! I will fight for truth, justice, and the Torchic way!"

Whiscash nodded in agreement, then raised his huge tail fin in the air. May and Bulbasaur watched as he dropped it back down in a snap, causing a huge Earthquake that broke the ground beneath them, sending them flying through the air, backwards and away from each other.

"What's going on?" May shouted.

"The next scene takes place tomorrow, so we have to fall asleep first," Bulbasaur told her. "And Whiscash is helping with that!"

May hit the ground head first, knocking her out instantly.

"Nighty night..." she muttered as she lost consciousness and landed flat on her belly.

* * *

"May..."

Nothing.

"May..."

Again, nothing.

"Oh, well. Looks like I'll have to punish you..."

The ground began to shake, as if another Earthquake was starting...

* * *

_Next morning, Team Chic Headquarters..._

"Gak!" May shouted as she awakened after her dream's abrupt end. "Wait... what do you mean by that? Mysterious Dream Voice? Answer me, please!"

"May?" someone yelled from outside.

"Is it... really you? The Mysterious Dream Voice?"

"No... it's the Voice of your Rescue Team Partner, who's been waiting for hours for you to get up! Get out here... we've got a client!"

"A... client?"

* * *

"Everyone loved me so much last time that I had to come back for a repeat performance!" Caterpie smiled as she wrapped her body around May's entire left leg.

"If I find the fanboy who thought Kelly should be smitten with me..." May growled as she clenched her right wing.

"But enough about you and me!" Caterpie said as she crawled away to a safe distance... to May's relief. "You did such a great job rescuing me for my Mom, so now I wanna hire you to rescue a friend of mine."

"A... friend?"

"It's Metapod. She went out to Sinister Woods to pick some Blast Seeds for an excursion we're going on next week. Problem is... that was two days ago."

"And she hasn't come back, huh?" May deduced, rubbing her chin as she began to think. "I guess it's up to Team Chic to find her and bring her home!"

Caterpie squealed as she embraced May in a hug... around her leg. "I knew you'd do it!"

"Like I said before, I like you, **BUT NOT THAT MUCH**!"

"Aww, hon, but I do!" exclaimed a strange voice.

May then heard a rattling sound behind her. She, Bulbasaur, and Caterpie turned towards the mailbox, where a Medicham was using telekinesis to pull all of Team Chic's mail out, while an Ekans grabbed it all with her tail.

"Hey! That's our Pelipper Post Office mail!"

"Ha ha ha ha!" the two laughed. "Prepare for trouble and make it double, Rescue Team style!"

"An evil as old as the galaxy..." began Ekans.

"Sent here to fulfill our destiny!" finished Medicham.

Out of nowhere, a Gengar appeared, hitting both Ekans and Medicham in the back of the head with his feet as he landed in front of them.

"What are you doing?" Gengar chided them. "We don't have a motto! We're too fabulous for that!"

"But how will people know who we are?" asked Ekans.

"Our motto is our passport to the world!" exclaimed Medicham.

"Like I said... only losers have mottoes."

"**WHAT?**" the two of them yelled.

"People who spout out truths about what they believe in and such every single time they show up are the worst kind! It's just an excuse to give them more screen time without objection! I mean, how would you like it if I rambled on and on for minutes at a time?"

"Like... like you're doing now?" pointed out Medicham.

"Yes! Now you're getting it!"

"Ahem," May coughed. "Excuse me, Harley **AND** Team Rocket! We don't have time for you today!"

"Who now?" Bulbasaur and Caterpie both asked.

"Today's the perfect time..." Ekans stated.

"To capture your... mail!" Medicham snickered. "Ha! Thought I was gonna say Pikachu, didn't ya?"

"This fanfic's been treating you like a goddess so far!" Gengar stated aloud. "Therefore, I must enter the story to make sure you get screwed!"

"Ahhhh!" May screamed. "I'm gonna get screwed! By Harley!"

"Psst..." Ekans whispered to Gengar. "It's 'screwed over.' Not 'screwed.'"

"Are you sure?" Gengar asked as he pulled out his script for this chapter. "You see... right here, my last word is 'screwed.'"

"Don't you see that there's an 'over' there?"

"Over? But doesn't that mean 'over' as in 'turn to the next page?'"

"No, it means 'over' as in **OVER**! **SCREWED OVER!**"

"Like May and her boy-toys did to you on a daily basis?"

Medicham sighed. "That's not the type of screwing I like..."

Gengar, Ekans, and Medicham then glanced over at where May, Bulbasaur, and Caterpie were standing. Only... only Caterpie was standing there alone now.

"What happened to the tart and the drip?" Gengar asked.

"If you mean May and Bulbasaur," Caterpie said, pointing out of the village, "then they left for Sinister Woods already!"

"What?"

"I'm still holding their mail hostage!" Ekans exclaimed.

"And I'm still holding three years of grief and anguish that I want those brats to feel!" yelled Medicham. "All night long!"

"We can beat them to that Metapod if we take a shortcut!" smirked Gengar.

The trio then ran off towards Sinister Woods, leaving Caterpie and an abandoned pile of mail standing guard at Team Chic's base.

"If they expect me to pay babysitting charges, they have another thing coming!"

* * *

_Sinister Woods 2F_

"This is gonna be easy!" May claimed. "Sudowoodo that don't move, Swinub and Oddish that are pretty much useless... this is a piece of cake!"

"I hope you're right," Bulbasaur stated with doubt.

* * *

_Sinister Woods 6F_

May had become paralyzed thanks to Stun Spore, as she watched Bulbasaur do his best to fight off a grouping of Shroomish.

"Being paralyzed... isn't that... bad! I... mean... it could be worse..."

"I hope you're right," Bulbasaur said again, using Tackle on one of the Shroomish.

* * *

_Sinister Woods 11F_

"I'm... strong..." May quivered, paralyzed once again, but still having enough strength to dodge Scyther's Quick Attack. "I... can... do... this..."

Exeggutor had put Bulbasaur to sleep using Hypnosis, and it and Shroomish were closing in on him.

"Zzzzzzzzzzz..."

"It really can't get..."

* * *

_Sinister Woods 12F_

More Shroomish and Exeggutor were closing in on May, as Bulbasaur had just succumbed to a Leech Seed, dropping dead before May's eyes.

"Reviver Seed, Reviver Seed," May panicked as she searched through her item kit. "**WHERE'S MY REVIVER SEED?**"

* * *

_Sinister Woods 13F_

May and Bulbasaur, having been brought back to life, were panting heavily as they stood in an empty meadow.

"May... are you sure... this is the right... floor?"

"I..." May began to cry, "I just wanna go home!"

"I can help with that! No ruby red shoes required!"

Gengar, Ekans, and Medicham appeared before May and Bulbasaur, smiling as they observed the state of our heroes.

"Such amateurs! Why that Caterpie asked you to help, I'll never know."

"How did you beat us up here?" May asked.

"Plot device, dearie! **PLOT DE-VICEEEEEEEEE!**"

"How's this for a plot device?" Bulbasaur shouted as he plucked a batch of Gravelrock from the Rescue Kit and started pelting the trio with them.

"**EEEEEE!**" Medicham screamed. "I'm only insured for being pelted by rotten tomatoes!"

"Knock it off, you lover of fruit!" Ekans shot back.

After a couple of hits, Ekans and Medicham retreated from the battle, leaving Gengar alone to face May and Bulbasaur.

"Forget those two... I can handle you by myself! And that's a promise, my sweet little cucumber!"

As Gengar closed in on May, her Torchic body started to glow a bright orange. Bulbasaur gasped in amazement.

"You must be learning a new attack!" guessed Bulbasaur.

A small ball of fire launched itself from May's mouth, landing right in the center of Gengar's face. In an instant, Gengar's head lit up like a torch, and he started running in circles around the meadow, screaming. May looked up and saw the number '10' flashing over her head.

"That must mean I just got to Level 10!" May remembered, then gasping with glee. "And at Level 10, Torchic... I mean, I, learn Ember! Which also has a slight chance of burning whomever the attack is used on!"

"You're tellin' me, hon!" Gengar screamed.

Gengar was trying his best to put the fire out, but his short little hands weren't helping. May smirked as she came up with an idea.

"You know there's a way you can put him out of his misery," she said coyly to Bulbasaur.

Quickly getting the idea, Bulbasaur nodded and fired Leech Seed. The seed planted itself in Gengar's head, instantly putting out the fire... to his relief. That is, before the seed exploded vines, wrapping Gengar in an inescapable cocoon that sucked the life out of him.

"Doyyyyyyy..." Gengar muttered as he lost consciousness.

"**WE DID IT!**" May and Bulbasaur shouted, joyfully.

* * *

_Near sunset, Team Chic Headquarters_

A few hours later, May and Bulbasaur returned home with the newly rescued Metapod, to the jubilation of Caterpie.

"Thank goodness! I thought Team Meanies would beat you guys up there!"

"Team Meanies?" May wondered out loud. "Who's that?"

"The guys you were calling Harley and Team Rocket," Bulbasaur told her. "They're well known around these parts. But I guess you didn't know that."

"**YOU GUYS DON'T TELL ME ANYTHING!**"

"Metapod!" Metapod said. "Metapod metapod, Metapod!"

"That's right!" Bulbasaur and Caterpie nodded in understanding.

"**AND HOW COME NOBODY TOLD ME ERICA COULD ONLY SPEAK POKEMON?**"

"She asked for the immortal sin," Caterpie told May. "She asked for a pay raise."

"**BUT THIS IS A NON-PROFIT PROJECT!**"

"At least she didn't end up like that girl from 'Heroes.'"

"Meta!" Metapod bobbed in agreement.

"**I'VE GOT AN IDEA!**"

"May," Bulbasaur shook his head, "why are you shouting every line now? Is your volume control on the fritz or somethin'?"

"**I HAVE NO IDEA, BUT KELLY GAVE ME A GREAT IDEA! WE SHOULD FORM OUR OWN TEAM OF HEROES!**"

"Yes!" Caterpie nodded. "We shall call ourselves 'The Gals!'"

"**'THE GALS!'**"

"'Metapod!'"

The three girls raised their wing/tail/nothing into the air, therefore sealing their decree as official! Suddenly, out of the blue, Bulbasaur used Leech Seed on all three of them, sucking all of their remaining HP out for his own gain and wrapping their bodies in vines.

"Sorry, but the writers said we need to keep the story moving. And that we needed fanservice. Oh, and that name's copyrighted, too..."

* * *

_The next morning, Whiscash Pond_

May and Bulbasaur were standing in front of Whiscash, with Caterpie, Metapod, and Jumpluff off to the side, watching everything unfold.

"Stop skipping missions!" Whiscash berated May and Bulbasaur. "It's not good to skip... missions!"

"Wow... that's the worst rhyme ever, Professor Oak!" May shot back.

"You expected him to keep it up forever?" added Bulbasaur.

"You should talk! At that retort, I balk!"

"I refuse to be a part of this ode and nod!" stated Caterpie.

"Metapod pod, meta meta, metapod!" recited Metapod.

"I wanted you two to save my friend, Jumpluff," the Jumpluff there told May and Bulbasaur.

"Let's see... I think you sound like Max's classmate, Timmy. Don't ask me how I know... I think him and that girl that were supposed to be the Jumpluff got cut out of that scene."

"That's why I called on Shiftry to save her! Her and her team, Team Shiftry... I paid them to save Jigglypuff."

"And let me guess... they didn't come back and now you want us to save them?"

"No. I just feel better telling you what you missed out on."

"Whiscash told me Team Alakazam was there too," Bulbasaur told May. "They were on an unrelated mission in the same area..."

* * *

_Silent Chasm B9F_

Team Shiftry, which consisted of Shiftry and two Nuzleaf, were about to successfully rescue Jumpluff when Team Alakazam, made up of Alakazam, Charizard, and Tyranitar, arrived on the scene.

"Never fear!" Tyranitar spouted. "A battle of intense proportions is always guaranteed when we're about."

"Because we believe in giving every rescue mission and every battle everything we've got!" proclaimed Charizard.

"Now stop whining and bring your A-game... because Team Alakazam is here to save the day!" wrapped up Alakazam, the Team Leader.

"Hey hey!" objected Shiftry. "This is my team's gig, so back off!"

All of a sudden, Zapdos swooped down and grabbed Shiftry, to everyone's surprise.

"Lemme go, lemme go, **LEMME GO**!" screeched Shiftry.

Zapdos flew towards Mt. Thunder, presumably in the direction of her nest. Shiftry's teammates responded to the situation by grabbing their rescuee, Jumpluff, and getting out of there. Team Alakazam glanced at each other and nodded in realization of what their next mission should be.

* * *

"And so, Team Alakazam's heading towards Mt. Thunder to rescue Shiftry from Zapdos!" Bulbasaur concluded.

He then snapped out of his information session and noted that May was standing in front of a clean markerboard. As Caterpie, Metapod, and Jumpluff looked on, May wrote down the names Alakazam, Charizard, Tyranitar, and Shiftry on one side. Then, on the other, she put Brandon, Brianna, Nolan, and Tucker. She then began drawing lines, connecting the Pokémon to their true identities, spouting them out as she did.

"Brandon is Alakazam, Nolan is Charizard, and Tucker is Tyranitar, which leaves Brianna to be Shiftry!"

"Is that your... **FINAL ANSWER**?" asked Caterpie.

"Uh... what is Yes?"

"**THAT'S CORRECT!**" cheered Caterpie, Metapod, and Jumpluff.

"**YOU'RE NOT PAYING ATTENTION!**" Bulbasaur yelled at all of them.

"Chill out," gelled May. "You were going to say that we, Team Chic, should go up there as well. As back-up. In case they need it. But since they're the great Team Alakazam, they probably won't."

"So it's settled then?"

May nodded. "Yep! On to Mt. Thunder!"

* * *

_Mt. Thunder 1F_

"You know, we nearly got trashed in our last mission!" warned Bulbasaur. "What makes you think this time'll be different?"

May grinned from ear to ear. "This time, we're prepared! I spent all our Poké filling our supply kit to the brim! Reviver Seeds, Gravelrock, Cheri Berries, and Apples!"

"Apples?"

"I'm a growing girl, silly! I gotta keep my strength up!"

"One other question... should you really be carrying all of it by yourself?"

Sure enough, May had a full sack on her back, and her tiny legs were about to buckle under all of that extra weight.

"**NOW YOU TELL ME!**"

* * *

_Mt. Thunder 4F_

"Take that!"

May fired Ember off of at Cacnea. With a type advantage, May took care off the cactus-like Pokémon with two well-placed hits.

"I'm surprised this isn't getting any tougher."

"Shut up!" chided Bulbasaur. "You don't know when to keep your mouth shut, do you?"

Bulbasaur looked ahead and saw an Electrike walking towards them. Bulbasaur smiled.

"Heh heh... this one's mine. Easy win."

* * *

_Mt. Thunder 7F_

"What's going on with these mountain passages?" May asked as she and Bulbasaur strolled along. "It's like they never end!"

"Well, I did hear that the paths here tend to wind around a lot."

Then, unexpectedly, the two Pokémon began to hear buzzing in the air.

"What's that sound?" Bulbasaur asked.

"Every Pokémon in the world knows that sound!" May shouted. "It's the sound they all fear!"

"The call of a female Donphan during mating season?"

"That's nothing to fear unless you're standing next to one. No, what I mean is..."

May's answer appeared right before their very eyes. It was a swarm of Beedrill.

"**AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!**"

May and Bulbasaur sprinted as fast as they could in the opposite direction.

"We could use an electric Pokémon right about now!" wished Bulbasaur.

"I thought we established that Pikachu wasn't..."

May's sentence was cut short when she ran right smack into a wall and fell backwards onto Bulbasaur in the process.

"May... I'm about to say five words you're gonna hate me for!"

"Go ahead," May sighed, her back lying on top of Bulbasaur's bulb.

"You need... to lose weight!"

"**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!**"

The Beedrill closed in May and Bulbasaur, their deaths apparently imminent.

"Deaths?" Bulbasaur jumped. "No deaths... we got Reviver Seeds, remember?"

May, on the other hand, had already called it a day.

"**AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!** I just wish I was home right now, sucking on something fat and juicy!"

* * *

_Mt. Thunder Peak 3F_

Speaking of sucking on something fat and juicy...

"I hope you don't mind," Zapdos said aloud. "I like ma dinner with some flavoring."

Zapdos took a small jar of honey mustard sauce and dumped it on top of Shiftry's head. Shiftry couldn't do anything to keep it from dripping down her face and her body... especially since she was tied to a wooden post and an apple had been lodged in her mouth.

And a thunderstorm was moving in from the west.

"I know they say fried foods aren't good for the heart... but, y'all know I just can't help myself!"

Zapdos then laughed as maniacally as she could. But given her usually friendly nature, she found it tough to pull off.

"Say... can we run that take again?" Zapdos asked. "This role is kind of a stretch for me. I'm not evil. Or Southern. No? Sigh... well, at least I have a lot to fall back on..."

**To be continued...**

**Character Guide, Part Three:** More fun with peoples! Have you been keeping your scorecard handy? Any surprises yet? Let's review, shall we (listed in order of appearance)...

Professor Oak as Whiscash

Harley as Gengar  
Jessie as Ekans  
James as Medicham

Erica as Caterpie  
Timmy (Verdanturf Coordinator, "Disaster of Disguise") as Jumpluff

Dome Superstar Tucker as Tyranitar  
Factory Head Nolan as Charizard  
Pyramid King Brandon as Alakazam

Brianna as Shiftry  
? as Zapdos

Have you already figured out who Zapdos is? The clues are there... can you pick out who she is before it's revealed next chapter?


	5. Chapter Four

**May's Awesomely Youthful and Stupendously Unique Expedition  
Story Written by Freedom Fighter**

Great timing with this latest chapter, given today's big announcement in the fandom. Don't know? Go check out the big Pokémon websites! Or better yet... read this chapter! The answer's revealed below!

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters portrayed in this fanfic. They all belong to Nintendo and Pokémon USA.

* * *

****

**Chapter Four (03.19.07)**

_Mt. Thunder 7F_

May and Bulbasaur were trapped in a dead end corridor, facing certain death in the face as a swarm of Beedrill beared down on them.

"**I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!**" screamed May.

"I thought you'd say you were too beautiful," commented Bulbasaur.

"**THAT TOO!**"

Miraculously...

"You mean?" May and Bulbasaur gasped with hope.

Out of the blue...

"We're gonna be saved!" they rejoiced.

Ahem... **WOULD YOU LET ME FINISH?**

"Sorry."

It was Team Alakazam to the rescue. Alakazam, Charizard, and Tyranitar rushed through the swarm, knocking Beedrill every which way into the nearest wall. In mere seconds, they had cleared a path for May and Bulbasaur could escape with.

"You know," May seemed to remember, "you guys aren't supposed to appear again until after we save Brianna... uh, Shiftry."

"Call it a gift for such a compassionate Pokémon!" Tyranitar said aloud.

"Rescue Teams have to watch each other's backs," reminded Charizard.

"Will you stop yapping like you're hanging out with your girls and **RUN ALREADY**?" screamed an angry Alakazam.

May and Bulbasaur gulped. "Yes, sir."

As Team Alakazam held the Beedrill at bay, May and Bulbasaur tore through the swarm and headed for the stairwell to the next floor.

* * *

_Mt. Thunder Rest Area_

A couple of floors up, May and Bulbasaur entered the Rest Area, located a few floors just beneath the mountain's peak. The two gasped in amazement as they saw an inn, a snack vending machine, a Kangaskhan statue, and a magical orb.

"Wow... there's a lot more here than in the games," May observed.

"I wonder what this is," Bulbasaur wondered out loud as he ran over to the orb.

May followed Bulbasaur over and placed her wing on top of the orb. It turned out to be a permanently-fixtured Escape Orb.

"I believe if we use this, we can teleport back to Rescue Team HQ. That is, if we don't believe we can make it to the top unscathed."

"So... I'm guessing I can't eat it?"

May smiled. "We don't need it anyway. I know we can save Brianna."

"What makes you say that? Are you a psychic?"

"No. But I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night!"

May headed for the stairs, leaving Bulbasaur to stare at her as the bottom of his mouth dropped to the floor, flabbergasted.

(Caption - This chapter is sponsored by Holiday Inn Express. Stay smart!)

* * *

_Mt. Thunder Peak 3F_

"How do we actually get to use an actual hotel's name, yet we had to make up names to represent actual mall stores in the first chapter?" inquired Shiftry, looking upwards to the ominous clouds above... and apparently, with the apple not in her mouth anymore.

"Food's not supposed to talk, darlin'!" shouted Zapdos as she glanced over the side of the mountain. "Food's 'posed to be fricasseed."

A rumble of thunder sounded off in the air to prove her point.

"See?"

As she continued to peer off down the mountainside, May and Bulbasaur appeared at the stairwell. Shiftry was about to squeal with delight, but Bulbasaur thought fast and shot out Vine Whip in order to wrap up her mouth. Unfortunately, Shiftry still had quite a bit of honey mustard on her, and it coated the end of Bulbasaur's vines. He made a face of disgust as he felt it slime down his vines.

Meanwhile, May tiptoed over towards Zapdos quietly; the legendary bird still not having noticed her as of yet. Once she was directly behind Zapdos, May could do the only thing she could think of...

"**MEEP MEEP!**" she exclaimed, Road Runner style.

Zapdos was spooked off of the cliff and she plummeted, face-first, towards the ground below. May watched with excitement as Zapdos fell, fell, fell... and then she heard Zapdos hit the ground with a thud.

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!" May broke down in hysterics. "I've **ALWAYS** wanted to do that to someone!"

"You think that's **FUNNY**?" Zapdos screamed in anger, reappearing right in front of May.

"Eep..."

"Eek!" squealed Shiftry as she glanced to Bulbasaur, who was now standing next to her. "Get me out of here, short stuff, and I promise I won't sue you for taking so long to rescue me!"

"Ungrateful..." Bulbasaur muttered as he went to untie her.

"This has just become a three-course meal!" Zapdos growled as she looked up to harness the power of the dark clouds above. "Thunder!"

A gigantic bolt of thunder rained down and just missed on striking May, who nearly jumped out of her skin to dodge it.

"I guess Abby's decided to drop the Southern accent..." May uttered between breaths as the legendary voiced by a famed Grand Festival champion commanded another strike of thunder.

"I think I've had enough fun," Bulbasaur gulped, still in the midst of freeing Shiftry.

"I just remembered... I don't like food without something on it!"

Zapdos suddenly produced two squeeze bottles... one white, one reddish-brown. She aimed the first at Max and fired, covering him in the stuff and knocking him away from Shiftry. Not without getting her with some of it, though.

"Hmmmm..." Bulbasaur hmmmed as he licked his left arm with his tongue. "Ranch dressing? What am I, a salad-to-be?"

"I promise to stop chasing after Drew if you get me down from here!" Shiftry yelled at May. "This fic isn't worth the humiliation!"

Zapdos then swooped towards May and sprayed her with the substance in the reddish-brown squeeze bottle. Which was... awfully fluid. And... orangey?

"**I THOUGHT THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE BARBECUE!**"

Zapdos licked her lips. "I've never had orange chicken before."

"That does it!" May shouted, getting back to her feet in defiance. "I hate repeated gags!"

May's body started to glow bright orange, and it wasn't from the orange juice she had been sprayed with. The number '16' appeared above her head as she got ready to launch an attack.

"Whatever move you just learned," Zapdos cried, "it ain't gonna work against me!"

May shot a small ball of fire right at Zapdos' left wing. It caught on fire immediately, forcing Zapdos to make an emergency landing. She succeeded in landing on her two feet, but she was having problems putting out her smoking wing.

"Yes!" May rejoiced. "Level 16! I just learned... Ember!"

"**WHAT ARE YOU, REMEDIAL?**" Bulbasaur shrieked.

"I can't put it out!" Zapdos shouted in a panic.

"Do you give up?" May asked.

"Yes, yes! You all can go free! Just... put me out!"

"Will do! Bulbasaur, you're up!"

Bulbasaur ran over from the other side of the platform.

"Bulbasaur uses... Tackle!"

He barrels head-first into Zapdos' stomach, dropping the legendary on her behind... but managing to put out the fire on her wings in the process.

"Awww..." May complained. "I wanted you to use Leech Seed on her!"

Bulbasaur shook his head. "I don't have enough seed for her!"

"Wow..." Shiftry thought. "May **DOES** have selective memory."

At that instant, Team Alakazam appeared at the top of the stairs. Needless to say, they were surprised to see Zapdos with a partially burnt wing and May, Bulbasaur, and Shiftry covered in assorted sauces.

"You know what?" Alakazam growled. "I'm not even gonna ask..."

"You're very strong," complimented Zapdos.

"No, she's not! She's a human girl trapped in a Pokémon with an extremely plentiful amount of good luck!"

Shiftry sniffled. "That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me..."

"They were talking about me!" May corrected her.

"**AND THERE'S NO CRYING IN MYSTERY DUNGEON!**" everyone else yelled.

All of a sudden, the skies opened up, and a downpour began to drench the entire group.

"Head for the Hill of the Ancients," suggested Alakazam. "There's someone named Xatu there. That Pokémon's sure to help you figure out what to do."

"To the Hill of the Ancients it is!" proclaimed May.

"Follow me!" Bulbasaur exclaimed, leading the way down the mountain.

May and Bulbasaur left the peak.

"Stop hiding the truth," Charizard demanded Alakazam.

"Sorry... she's gonna have to find it out herself," he replied.

Team Alakazam left, while Zapdos flew up to the skies to recharge. All was well... except for the fact that Shiftry was still tied to the wooden post.

"I knew they'd do this, believe it!" she shouted, exasperated. "One of you better come back here and untie me!"

* * *

_Two hours later, near dusk - Hill of the Ancients_

May and Bulbasaur arrived at the Hill of the Ancients. Xatu was overlooking a cliff, staring straight at the setting sun.

"You're not gonna do it again, are you?" asked Bulbasaur.

"Why would I? It wouldn't be a surprise anymore."

"Nice to see your brain's working again, May," Bulbasaur smiled, patting her on the shoulder with one of his vines.

"So... you've arrived..."

May gasped in surprise. "Oh noooooooooooooo..."

"What? What's wrong, May?"

"I... I... I..." she stuttered.

"I?"

"It's the Eighth Child! Quick, Demidevimon, capture her!"

Xatu sweatdropped. "I'm **NOT** the Eighth Child."

"No, wait... you're that Tachikoma that loves to read, right?"

Xatu clenched her wing in anger. "I'm **NOT** a Tachikoma!"

"Hold on, hold on... I think I've got it now! You're... you're... you're..."

"Yes... yes?"

"You're the Te Xuan Ze!"

* * *

_Orchid Bay, California_

"Achoo!"

11-year old Juniper Lee had just sneezed while in the midst of reading a book while lying on her stomach on her bed.

"Well... the writer promised me a crossover, and I got one."

She then turned the page and resumed reading.

* * *

"**DO I LOOK LIKE THE TE XUAN ZE TO YOU?**" Xatu screamed as she grabbed May and shook some sense into her.

"Well..." May laughed nervously, "it could be a disguise!"

Xatu dropped May and walked back over to where she had been standing before. She sighed in dismay.

"Okay... I need to start acting like my character. I need to start acting like my character..."

"So... are you actually voiced by somebody from May's world?" Bulbasaur inquired.

"Yes, but the reason May doesn't know me is because I replaced her in the anime series!"

"That's why I thought you were the Eighth Child at first!" May exclaimed. "You're name's Hikari, right? I heard from Ash that you're the new girl!"

"Hikari's my Japanese name! Pokémon USA, or rather, Cartoon Network, announced my English name today!"

May waited with baited breath, along with the rest of the dub community, as to what that name was.

"And no, it's not Kari."

May fell over in dismay.

"Well, if your name's not Kari, then what is it?"

"It's Dawn. Dawn."

"Dawn?"

"Dawn. You know, this would've worked better if the sun was rising instead of setting. Sigh... I love sunrises."

May and Bulbasaur shot odd glances at each other.

"But never mind that! Come, come! I've got lots to tell ya! Lots! And I assure you, everything's gonna be great!"

The duo walked over to Xatu, who turned back to face the sun again.

"I see the past. People hated you because you replaced Misty, who was a fan favorite, but you won them over in the end! I see the future, where people will love me more than you even though I'm a Coordinator, just like you!"

"I don't like where this is going..." muttered May.

"But you need to save the world for that to happen! And I know you will! Because that's just peachy keen!"

"Good God, I hope you don't get that kind of dialogue in the anime!"

"Anyway, there are natural disasters occurring all over the world. And they started soon after you came to us here!"

"You mean May is responsible for them?" Bulbasaur asked. "But she can't be! I've been with her the whole time!"

"No worries! I see the future, remember? It'll be peachy keen!"

"I swear, Dawn," said May, "if you say 'peachy keen' once more, I'll ring your neck with that robe."

Little did the two anime starlets and Bulbasaur know, Gengar was hiding behind some nearby rocks, listening in on the conversation.

"Ke ke ke ke ke ke ke ke ke!" he laughed.

(Caption - Only **ACTUAL** word-for-word dialogue from game used in fic.)

* * *

_The next morning - Whiscash Pond_

"So you wish to learn why the first-ever fanfic written by the producer that stars you also has to be the first-ever fanfic written by the same guy to have the girl who's replacing you in the anime?" deduced Whiscash.

"No," May shook her head. "And it's annoying you're not talking like a poet. I'm actually asking about the Legend of Ninetales."

"The Legend of Ninetales? Now that's one of dem tales! There... I rhymed? You happy, I'm riled!"

"O-kay..."

"We overheard the rumors in the Town Square," Bulbasaur cut in, making everyone remember he's there too. "So, what's the true story?"

"I don't know if I should tell you. You skipped the Great Canyon scenes which lack Chinchou."

"Please!" May pleaded. "This is a matter of life and death!"

Whiscash sighed. "I suppose it will be... tomorrow. Don't sorrow. Okay, a flashback works best! Bulbasaur, use Rest!"

"But I don't know how to..."

Whiscash used his long tongue as a weapon, curled it up, and bonked Bulbasaur on the head with it, knocking him out.

"Does that mean..."

"No worries, May. I still intend to tell you today!"

May breathed a sigh of relief.

* * *

The flashback began, but a female voice took over where Whiscash had left off...

"About three years ago, I was working my way through the ranks of the Pokémon Contest World. I already had two ribbons when I met this wonderful girl who seemed to be enamored by the whole concept! She served as my assistant in that Pokémon Contest, and eventually went on to become a great Coordinator herself."

"I remember her..." May thought aloud. "Or do I..."

"But somewhere on my way to the Grand Festival, I was given the chance to be a Pokémon for a day! Strange, I know... but it sounded like fun. That is, until I found out that the woman who had changed me was a witch! I was stuck as a Ninetales forever! Or, at least until I could find someone who could undo the spell."

Ninetales was walking down a path when he saw a silhouetted human running towards him.

"Then I heard this rumor that I'd change back if I could smack somebody with my tail. So, I took out the first person I saw."

Ninetales had indeed smacked the human with her nine tails. A change began to happen. But not to Ninetales... but to the human.

"Unfortunately, instead of changing **ME** back, it ended up changing **THAT GUY** into a Pokémon! Needless to say, I didn't want to face responsibility for my actions. Some time later, I was able to return to my human self thanks to a witch doctor. But I never knew what happened to the one I had cursed..."

* * *

"I apologize for that," Whiscash said as the flashback ended. "I don't know who that woman is, the rat."

"I swear I remember her face," May scratched her head. "If only I could remember her name."

"At least it can't be you. So don't be blue!"

May smiled. "I guess I'll figure it out eventually."

Whiscash grinned. "It won't be today, gotta keep answers at bay!"

Whiscash proceeded to knock out May the same way he had taken out Bulbasaur.

* * *

"May?"

"It's you..."

"Well. Glad you actually heard me the first time."

"I'm glad to hear you, 'Mysterious Dream Voice.'"

"Now, you'll get to see me!"

The voice's body began to appear, beginning from the feet and slowly panning up to... up to... up to...

"Aw man, my system's crashing! We'll try again next chapter!"

"Wait! Can't you send me a photo or something?"

* * *

May woke up from her latest dream. She snapped her fingers in disappointment.

"I'm going to expose him one of these chapters!"

* * *

May met up with Bulbasaur and traveled to Town Square. They ended up stumbling into a big gathering. May looked on as she noticed all of the local Rescue Teams there, including a few she hadn't seen before. There was water-based Team Hydro, which had Blastoise, Feraligater, and Swampert among their ranks. Next was Team Constrictor, with Octillery, Tentacruel, and Cradilly forming their team. A Golem and two Graveler made up the famed Team Rumblerock.

Team Alakazam and Team Meanies were there as well. In fact, the informal gathering was being moderated by Gengar.

"Ah, so the little girl comes out to face the music!"

"Face the music? Did you guys sign me up for 'American Idol' as a surprise?"

"Tryouts are over! We know who you are!"

Blastoise took one huge step forward, shaking the ground beneath her as she did.

"So you're the runt who's responsible!"

Octillery slithered her way forward as well, and she wasn't happy.

"I should give you a good spanking for what you've done!"

Finally, Golem sauntered up, and he looked ready to explode.

"You're responsible for all of the natural disasters that we've been experiencing!"

"**WHAT?**" May and Bulbasaur both freaked out.

"That's... that's impossible," defended May. "I'm pretty sure I'm not the one causing earthquakes and the like."

"Yeah!" Bulbasaur added. "I can vouch for her!"

"That means very little to us!" Gengar smirked. "You've got 24 hours to get out of town! Be grateful for it... we'd tie you up and burn you at the stake... if it was my call to make."

"Harley... Cassidy... Solana... Butch... why are you all treating me this way?"

May saw the other teams glaring at them. She glanced over at Team Alakazam, hoping they'd clear her good name.

"You don't believe them, do you?"

Alakazam sighed. "Without proof, I have no choice but to agree with Gengar and the others."

"What proof?" Bulbasaur pointed out. "What proof do they have to substantiate that?"

"We don't need proof," Ekans said with a smile.

"Us older Pokémon have stature," Medicham told them. "Practically everyone gives us the benefit of the doubt because of our rank."

"Heh heh heh," Gengar chuckled. "So, if I were you, you little seventh grader, I'd pack up and leave. This town now belongs to the senior high school students! Bwa ha ha!"

Completely outnumbered and outmatched, May's cries of innocence were falling on deaf ears. With no other choice, she turned and ran back to Team Chic HQ to get what little belongings she had left.

"May, wait!" Bulbasaur cried out. "**WAITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!**"

**To be continued...**

**Character Guide, Part Four:** Talk about great timing! A major debut among the group, and coincidentally, on the same day her dub name is revealed! Wow! Let's make sure we're straight on new cast members (listed in order of appearance)...

Dr. Abby as Zapdos  
Hikari / Dawn as Xatu  
? as Ninetales

Cassidy as Blastoise  
Solana as Octillery  
Butch as Golem

The chase begins... next chapter! Yippee!


	6. Chapter Five

**May's Awesomely Youthful and Stupendously Unique Expedition  
Story Written by Freedom Fighter**

Going through this, I realize that I'm already starting to run out of material. So this chapter may not be as funny as the previous ones. But I'm trying...

Then again, this chapter still is the most serious so far...

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters portrayed in this fanfic. They all belong to Nintendo and Pokémon USA.

* * *

****

**Chapter Five (03.22.07)**

"Ahem."

A second of silence, followed by some giggling.

"I know I drone on and on, but that's no excuse to fall asleep in my classroom, Miss Hanuko!"

May suddenly shot awake, and another round of giggling accompanied it. Professor Birch was standing right in front of her, tapping his foot with impatience. May gasped in surprise, then quickly made note of her surroundings.

She was at her school, in her classroom, and all of her fellow classmates were staring at her.

"Gack!" May freaked. "What am I doing **HERE**?"

"Would you rather go to the Principal's office, young lady?"

May slid down in her seat in embarrassment.

"No... Professor..."

"Then I suggest you stay awake!"

"Yes, sir."

Professor Birch then turned around and started walking back to the front of the classroom.

"Okay... do I have any volunteers to read the next passage?"

May scratched her head in confusion as she tried to figure out what was going on.

"Psst..."

May turned to her right and saw Kelly holding out a small piece of paper. She quickly reached over to grab it before Professor Birch could notice, and opened it up.

The little note read 'Are you okay?' and was accompanied by Kelly's trademark signature... a Spoink with a giant pink bow on its head. May quickly scribbled 'Tell you later' and handed it back to Kelly.

* * *

_Twenty minutes later, outside in the school's courtyard..._

May, Kelly, and Erica were sitting on a bench underneath a cherry blossom tree, as her friends tried to help May out.

"You don't get the best grades in the class," Erica said, "yet this is the first time you've ever fallen asleep at school!"

"Is something wrong?" Kelly asked. "You know you can tell me anything!"

"Well..." May fumbled for the right way to say it.

"You have some weird dream?"

May nodded.

"It's about some boy, isn't it?"

"It's Drew!" Erica proclaimed. "It's gotta involve Drew, right?"

"Well... I think it does..."

"Think?" Kelly and Erica prodded simultaneously.

"He was there... sort of. And so were the both of you!"

"I was there?" Kelly smiled dreamily.

"Please tell me we were just 'hangin' out,'" pleaded Erica. "I'd shudder to imagine more than that."

"But so was Professor Birch! And Professor Oak, and Doctor Abby, and Brianna, and my brother Max, and all those high schoolers we saw at the mall yesterday..."

"So... it's not a make-out dream?" Kelly asked, disappointed.

"And... we were all Pokémon!" May exclaimed.

"Okay..." Erica rolled her eyes. "I didn't see that coming."

"Huh? You don't believe me, Erica?"

"I think you've been playing that 'Mystery Dungeon' game a little too much lately."

Kelly leaned in and rubbed her face against May's, to May and Erica's discomfort. Erica quickly grabbed Kelly and pulled her off.

"If you're gonna do that, at least don't do it in public! Oh, wait... don't do it in private, either!"

"May feels as warm as always," Kelly deduced. "She's not sick with the flu, at least."

"You don't believe me either, Kel?" May asked.

"You must've flunked that math test big time! That's why she's like this, Erica! She's probably trying to forget it ever happened!"

"That makes sense, Kelly."

"No, no, **NO**! It really happened! We were all Pokémon, I was on a Rescue Team, and I had just been accused of being responsible of assassinating a former President of the United States!"

Kelly and Erica gave May puzzled looks.

"You watch too much TV, too," added Erica.

"Come on! What will it take for you two to believe me?"

"That's easy! Just wake up!"

"Wake up?"

Kelly and Erica nodded. "Yes. Just wake up. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up..."

* * *

"Wake up..."

May sat up in a hurry, surprising Bulbasaur, who had been nudging at her for at least ten minutes now.

"Man... did anyone ever tell you that you're a deep sleeper?"

"Yes. My brother Max reminds me several times a week!"

"Oh... and sorry about what happened. I tried to take the stinger for you, but it went in one side of my stomach and out the other, and then it lodged itself in yours. I'm surprised the doctors were able to take it out. You were in a coma for six weeks!"

"Six weeks?"

"Thank goodness you finally wake up!"

"Huh?"

"I said... thank goodness you finally... **WAKE UP!**"

* * *

"**I'M AWAKE, I'M AWAKE!**"

May was dripping in sweat as she awoke from her slumber inside Team Chic Headquarters. She turned her head and noticed that the ground underneath her was soaked with a combination of sweat and tears. She then peered over to the other side of the room, where Bulbasaur was still sound asleep. Glancing out the window, May noticed that it was still dark outside.

"That's the last time I eat before I go to bed," May told herself, holding up a carton of milk that had an expiration date that read '25 days after the second coming of Mewtwo.' "Hmmm... I didn't even know there was a first coming!"

May got to her feet and walked over towards the window. She looked up towards the moon, which shined brightly in the night sky. She stared at it for quite awhile, debating what her next move should be in her mind.

"If I remember correctly, I've got no choice but to run with Bulbasaur. Alakazam tells me that the answer should be out there somewhere, and that I'll find it if I look hard enough. So... that's exactly what I'll do."

May continued to stare at the moon for a few more minutes before eventually leaving the window to go and get some more sleep.

* * *

_The next morning..._

May and Bulbasaur were taking one last look at Team Chic HQ, about to wave it farewell... just in case they never returned.

"We had some great memories here," May cried.

"Don't worry," reassured Bulbasaur. "We'll find a way to clear your good name! Then we'll be able to come back and do rescue missions again!"

"Wait! Don't leave yet!"

The duo looked around, trying to figure out who was calling them. Then, from the direction of the town village, they spotted Caterpie, Metapod, and Jumpluff running towards them, each carrying a plastic bag full of goodies.

"What's all this?"

The trio came to a stop right in front of May and Bulbasaur. They all bent over briefly as they tried to catch their breath.

"I don't want to believe it's true," Caterpie said to them, "but I just know the answer's out there somewhere!"

"So we picked up a few things to help you out on your journey," Jumpluff stated as the three opened up their bags.

"You didn't have to..."

"We do, May! We're helping you because we love having you around! Especially me! I want you to come back when this is all over!"

"I promise I will!" May assured Caterpie.

"Metapod meta Metapod!" Metapod said with a smile.

(Caption Translation - "Please travel safe!")

May gasped with wonderment. "They gave you subtitles? That's **SO COOL**!"

"I guess somebody made up with the producer," Bulbasaur noted.

"We'll keep an eye on your headquarters," Jumpluff told May and Bulbasaur. "No one's gonna get into your house while we're around!"

"Thanks... that means a lot to us."

Flap! Flap!

The group of five turned their heads to the skies as Pelipper flew in, swooping down and depositing one last letter in Team Chic's mailbox. She then waved goodbye as she flew back towards the Post Office.

"I wonder what this is," May thought as she took the letter out and opened it.

"It's probably a chain letter," suggested Jumpluff.

"Ack!" panicked Bulbasaur. "Quick, destroy it before it's too late! Otherwise, a thousand years of death will befall us!"

But it was too late. May was ready to read the first of the two-page letter aloud. Well, in Pelipper's (Savannah's) voice, anyway...

"It's been a pleasure delivering new missions to you everyday. I personally don't know if the accusations against you are true, but I am willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. Therefore, I'll hold your mail for you until the day you return to our village. Rest assured that whenever that day comes, I'll faithfully resume your service, no questions asked! That is, unless it turns out that you did do all of those bad things. In that case... you should be ashamed of yourself! Why, if I were your mother, I'd smack some sense into you! Sincerely yours, Pelipper."

"Awww..." May cooed, "at least she's honest. Even if a little brutal about it."

"P.S. Your monthly bill for delivery charges is attached."

"Charges?"

May turned the page and immediately focused her attention at the bottom, where the total was listed.

"Two million, four hundred eighty-three thousand, six hundred and ninety-eight Poké?"

Bulbasaur sighed. "That's what happens when there's no competition. The Pelipper Post Office can charge whatever darn price they want to for delivery service."

"Oh, she can just go to hell for all I care!"

"That's not a nice thing to say," Jumpluff scolded, albeit lightly.

"Pod pod, Metapod meta meta, pod Metapod, pod ta meta meta pod, Metapod Metapod Metapod Metapod, Meta, Metapod pod pod, meta meta pod, Metapod pod meta meta, Metapod pod meta meta, meta, ta meta, pod pod pod pod pod pod pod! Squirtle!"

(Caption Translation - "Ya, rly!")

"**ALL THAT GIBBERISH FOR A WORD-AND-A-HALF?**" screamed May.

"I think the translator's still getting used to her," Caterpie cut in to make up an excuse. "That, and Metapod's got a lot on her mind."

"I think it's time to go," Bulbasaur told May. "We're holding up the story. The writer might have to start cutting stuff again."

"But what about my fondling scene?" Caterpie cried. "I was promised a fondling scene!"

"Bye!" May and Bulbasaur shouted as they ran off towards the nearest path out of the village. "We'll meet again, some day!"

With that, May and Bulbasaur departed, leaving all of their friends behind. Perhaps one day they will return, and Caterpie will get to have her fondling scene.

"**AS BLOODY LIKELY AS BAKURA BECOMING THE MAIN CHARACTER IN 'YU-GI-OH!'**" May exclaimed.

"Swell..." Bulbasaur sighed. "Now we'll have 'Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged' fans breathing down our necks for stealing material."

"Look on the bright side... that'll raise our readership many times over!"

* * *

A map of the 'world' was shown, with small chibi-fied versions of Torchic and Bulbasaur moving from the village and to the farthest reaches of the Eastern Frontier, near the mountain range.

"Your best bet is to move northeast, towards Lapis Cave," Alakazam communicated to Team Chic via telekinesis.

"Those crooks are headed for Lapis Cave!" Gengar exclaimed, with the other Rescue Teams behind him. "To Lapis Cave!"

"Yeah!" all of the others yelled.

"Just get a move on it!" Alakazam told the duo.

* * *

_Several hours later, Entrance to Lapis Cave_

"I can't believe we've been running for hours!" May exclaimed, plopping down in exhaustion right in front of the cave.

"Hours? We just left the village a few seconds ago!" shouted Bulbasaur.

"It feels like hours to me!"

"That's because you're running on a treadmill at full blast!"

May glanced down, and sure enough, she was expending all her energy trying to keep up on a treadmill.

"Will you get off that thing? We've got to keep moving! I still hear them chasing us!"

"I still hear them talking about us chasing them!" Gengar yelled from somewhere nearby. "They **MUST** be close!"

May and Bulbasaur ran inside, hoping to lose their pursuers within the labyrinth of the cave.

* * *

_Lapis Cave B5F_

"She's gotta be around here somewhere..."

Team Shiftry was already deep within the confines of the cave. Perhaps they were setting up a trap for Team Chic...

"Hold on a second! How did you get down from that pole on Mt. Thunder?"

Shiftry turned around and angrily bopped the questioner, Nidoran (male), who was being guarded by Shiftry's teammates, a pair of Nuzleaf.

"I'm the leader of a Normal Rank Rescue Team!" Shiftry told him. "You're a puny Level 1 Nidoran! Know your place!"

-The fic comes to a stop as Gulpin (Professor Birch) walks across the screen.-

"Sorry to cut in, but apparently, the Rescue Team ranks have never been discussed in detail as of yet. So, for those of you who've never played the game this story is based on, allow me to explain. Ahem..."

-A chart appears, with the heads of the captains of all the Rescue Teams in the series put in columns. Each column has above it a Rescue Team badge of a different color.-

"Based on the number of Rescue Missions a team completes, they get points depending on the difficulty of said mission. If you get enough points, the Team is promoted to the next level. All beginners start with Normal Rank and work their way up. There's Bronze, Silver, and Gold to aspire to attain."

-The chart shows Shiftry (Brianna) and Golem (Butch) under the Normal/colorless badge, Blastoise (Cassidy) and Torchic (May) are Bronze Level, Octillery (Solana) is under Silver, and Alakazam (Brandon) is the lone one under Gold.-

"There's rumors that the ranks go higher than Gold! Of course, that's a story for another once upon a time."

-Gulpin leaves, and the fic picks up where it left off.-

"My love, **WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?**"

Nidoran was knocked out after approaching a Nidorina he thought was the one he was searching for. Brianna slapped herself on the forehead.

-Okay, so we accidentally fast-forwarded. Whoops...-

"Ugh! This is the **FIFTH** time! Why can't you stay alive?"

Suddenly, May and Bulbasaur ran by them, heading for the stairs.

"Hey!" Shiftry called at them. "A little help?"

But our heroes ignored them and disappeared from sight.

"Fine! See if I help you when **YOU** need it!"

* * *

_Several more hours later, well after dusk..._

May and Bulbasaur had made their way through the Lapis Cave dungeon, and were completely exhausted. They stopped by some nearby trees to take a break.

"I think we should set up camp for the night," suggested Bulbasaur.

"My feet are burning in pain!" cried May.

"Hey!" Gengar yelled from inside the cave. "I hear the tart again! We **MUST** be closing in on them again!"

"Waaaaaaahhh! Harley's such a stalker!"

Bulbasaur looked off into the distance and saw a mountain looming about twenty-five miles away.

"It's a mountain!"

May rolled her eyes. "Well, duh!"

"I mean... if we can get to that mountain, maybe we can lose them in the climb!"

"I'm not looking forward to it... but it's better than getting caught! Let's go!"

The duo got to their feet and headed in that direction, with the mob trailing not too far behind...

* * *

_Even several more hours **LATER**..._

May and Bulbasaur arrived at the foot of Mt. Blaze, which turned out to be an active volcano! May gulped in fear.

"You know what... I changed my mind! Getting caught is better than being buried six feet under by molten lava!"

"But you're a fire-type!" Bulbasaur said to her. "I'm a grass-type... I'm the one that's supposed to be scared!"

"Well, I guess we have no choice... let's go!"

Reluctantly, the two entered the dungeon...

* * *

_Mt. Blaze 1F_

Once inside, May and Bulbasaur immediately noticed that a good part of the floor was covered with puddles of hot, steaming lava. Treading carefully, they attempted to make their way to the next level. As they did, they spotted a Magby and a Numel heading towards them. And both of them were walking on the lava!

"Aw man... there's nowhere to hide here!" Bulbasaur thought aloud.

"I think we'd better run away," suggested May. "Better safe than sorry."

Bulbasaur agreed, and the two bolted from the scene.

* * *

_Mt. Blaze Rest Area_

12 floors later, May and Bulbasaur breathed a sigh of relief as they reached the rest area that preceded the mountain's summit.

"This is just like Mt. Thunder's Rest Area!" May noted as she saw an inn, a vending machine, a Kangaskhan statue, and an Escape Orb.

"Well, at least we know we aren't in a rush to get to the top to save a small Pokémon from being eaten by a legendary bird," Bulbasaur said with confidence.

"Ummm... 'bout that, Bulbasaur... that's only half true..."

Bulbasaur ignored May as he had already walked over to the inn and lied down on one of the beds, falling asleep instantly. May shrugged her shoulders and headed over to join him.

"Well... I guess we can't face what's next without getting some sleep. I know what comes next... and it won't be easy."

* * *

_The next morning..._

May and Bulbasaur woke up, well-rested and ready to move on. Before they did, though, they double-checked the area. Apparently, nobody had come through overnight.

"Do you think the mob gave up on us?" May asked.

Bulbasaur shook his head. "Knowing them, they probably took a snooze too after a lack of sleep. But they'll be back on our trail soon enough. We'd better keep moving."

After eating breakfast, which consisted of one whole Apple apiece, the two of them began their final ascent to the summit.

* * *

_Mt. Blaze Peak 3F_

It didn't take long for Team Chic to reach the mountain top. There, the stairs were surrounded by a circular pool of lava, leaving them alone on a platform about 30 feet in diameter, and that was it. Looking up, they could see the open roof of the volcano... and it was only a few scant feet away.

"This lava's pretty high," Bulbasaur noted, worriedly. "I hope the volcano doesn't decide to erupt... with us in it!"

"I guess they call this the 'Ring of Fire!'" guessed May. "And it burns, burns, burns..."

"**QUIET!**" a booming female voice interrupted.

"Huh?"

May and Bulbasaur's eyes darted back and forth across the room, trying to figure out where the voice had come from.

"**SING ONE MORE WORD OF THAT SONG, AND WE HAVE TO PAY ROYALTIES!**"

"What part of non-profit don't you people understand?" reminded May.

"**SILENCE!**"

Suddenly, the owner of the voice appeared before May and Bulbasaur. In entered Moltres, the second of the legendary birds!

"**NOW THAT I'VE REVEALED MYSELF**, I can stop using this volume level increaser."

"Holy crap, I can actually hear myself think!" proclaimed Bulbasaur.

Bulbasaur then glanced over at Moltres, who was hovering in position a few feet in front of him.

"Mmmm... she's babe-a-licious!" Bulbasaur thought. "If only... if only I were a few years old... and a couple stages up in my evolution..."

May yawned... apparently, she hadn't gotten as much sleep as she had thought.

"My, my, somebody hasn't been taking good care of themselves!"

"Being on the run for several days has made us weary."

"I can't stand others who can't keep themselves in top, physical condition! I need to teach you two a lesson!"

May gulped. "You mean... you're gonna eat us?"

"Why would I? I'm a vegetarian!"

"Whew... thank goodness!"

"Wait, wait!" Bulbasaur said in a panic. "That doesn't help me! I'm all grass-type, remember?"

Moltres licked her lips. "I **LOVE** me some greens!"

She closed in on Bulbasaur and reared back to use Flamethrower on May's partner. And May was powerless to stop her...

**To be continued...**

**Character Guide, Part Five:** After some excitement, only one new cast member introduced this time! And May hasn't even identified her yet! But... have you?

? as Moltres


	7. Chapter Six

**May's Awesomely Youthful and Stupendously Unique Expedition  
Story Written by Freedom Fighter**

I happen to think this chapter was pretty funny. Too bad I failed to get this done on time. I guess someone has to be punished...

-looks in a certain sidekick's direction-

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters portrayed in this fanfic. They all belong to Nintendo and Pokémon USA.

* * *

**Chapter Six (03.26.07)**

_Mt. Blaze Peak 3F_

Moltres was sitting on the ground, tearing into something green and leafy... and somewhat burnt. May sat a few feet away, disgusted as she watched Moltres consume the green bulb-shaped object.

"Ewwwww! How can you eat **THAT** without anything on it?"

Moltres shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I'm the opposite of Abby's character. I like things plain."

"Speaking of which, how come I don't remember your name?"

"It's Yuma."

Silence.

"Yuma? The Pokémon Coordinator?"

More still silence.

"The one who promised to train Brock how to be a great Coordinator? Before he showed how good he was and nearly beat you in Gardenia Town?"

Nothing. Sound of crickets chirping loudly.

"You and Eevee had to make the most improbable of improbable comebacks to beat him and his Marshtomp? A battle that, despite how much he likes you, the author thought was too farfetched?"

"Ah! One, I'm surprised you said farfetched and not Farfetch'd! And two... now I remember! Wow... another top Coordinator cast as a legendary Pokémon!"

Moltres winked. "Wait 'til you see Articu... oops! Well, everyone was gonna figure out that if two legendary birds show up, so would the third.

"I can't wait! But first... don't we have a battle to finish?"

"Don't need to. You proved you're a great Pokémon already!"

"But... but I haven't done anything! I didn't even attack you! And aren't you supposed to blame me for all of weird weather anomalies going on?"

"I could... but I'd rather skip the formalities and wish you luck returning the world back to normal!"

"How about wishing me luck on being able to be human once more?"

"Don't push your luck."

"What'd I miss?" Bulbasaur asked, walking in from off-screen.

May froze as she lost color in her face. Moltres blinked, then gave a second look to the object she was holding in her claws. She finally realized that it was a head of lettuce, shaped like the bulb on Bulbasaur's back.

"**THANKS FOR RUINING MY PLAN!**" May remarked sarcastically, grabbing Bulbasaur by the scruff of his neck and booking it down the hill, Moltres angrily following them with blasts of Flamethrower.

* * *

_Several tired, very cold days later..._

The winds howled and visibility was extremely low as a forest in the northeastern corner of the world was being hit by a massive blizzard, coating all of the trees in a deluge of snow. Somewhere in this mess of a storm, May and Bulbasaur were trudging along, teeth chattering as the rapid falling of snow threatened to bury them alive right there and then.

"Why aren't... we... dead... yet?" Bulbasaur asked, barely conscious.

"Considering you're a Spring and I'm a Summer, this Winter sucks!" May exclaimed. "But at least we got away from Moltres!"

"Who am I kidding?" Bulbasaur said, his feet practically collapsing beneath him. "I'm gonna die a virgin!"

May fell down right next to him. "But, in my world, you're not even ten yet..."

"**I SAID I'M GONNA DIE A VIRGIN, SO LET ME DIE UNHAPPY ALREADY!**"

May sweatdropped. "You've been acting pretty Brock-like lately. Are we sure you two haven't switched roles?"

Bulbasaur was already out and presumably dead this time. May breathed in a sigh of defeat and then began to close her eyes.

"Now I... know why... I hate... snow..."

* * *

"May? May? May, wake up!"

Nothing. Nothing but the sweet surrender of serene calm.

"Fine, I'll say it. I... I... **I CARE IF YOU DIE, MAY! I CAN'T LIVE ONE MINUTE WITHOUT YOU!**"

"Ha!" May shouted, coming 'alive.' "I knew it! The 'Mysterious Dream Voice' is none other than you, Drew! Oh... but wait! If you're the 'Mysterious Dream Voice' and I remember the game correctly, that means the Pokémon you are is..."

The shadowed veil lifted over Drew, revealing his Pokémon counterpart... Gardevoir!

"**OMG, WTFLOLBBQ!**" cracked May, breaking out in hysterics over Gardevoir's 'look.'

Drew yelled back angrily. "**GARDEVOIR CAN BE MALE, TOO!** Ahem... but you wouldn't know that because, in terms of Pokémon knowledge and skill, you're always one step behind me!"

"Strong talk coming from someone I bested in the Battle Frontier Grand Festival!"

Suddenly, Gardevoir used Teleport, disappearing from sight and quickly reappearing right behind May. He grabbed her wings and pinned them behind her back, leaving her at his mercy and him cackling like a villain.

"**WHO'S LAUGHING NOW, BITCH?** I mean, ahem... who bested who now?"

"And here I thought uncontrollable, random mood swings were only a girl thing..." May thought.

Speaking of random, Gardevoir went to... take a bite out of May's neck! Feeling his teeth close on her feathers, May exerted all of her strength and broke free of Gardevoir's grip.

"Save the vampire bit for annoying little girls who actually deserve it! Like that girl from 'The Prince of Tennis' who keeps fangasming about Ryoma in public. I know it's a relaxing sports anime, but someone needs to drill a 140 mile-per-hour serve into her head and **SHUT HER UP FOR GOOD**!"

May finally turned around to face Gardevoir, and she gasped when she saw that he had some kind of tracking device held in his mouth. Which he promptly spit out of his mouth and into his hands. Even more scarily, it was Gengar-shaped.

"Eeekkkkk!" May screamed. "When did Harley get that thing on me?"

Gardevoir then used Psychic, promptly destroying the device.

"I suggest you keep moving. Gengar will be on you soon."

With that, Gardevoir disappeared. Once he did, May suddenly recalled a facet of the video game they just broke.

"Wait a minute! The Gardevoir sequences are supposed to be from first-person point-of-view! How did he pull me into the frame?"

* * *

_The next morning, Frosty Forest 1F_

"Aha! You're finally awake! Which means you're alive!"

May opened her eyes to the warm sun beating down from the cloudless sky above. And standing right in front of her was an Absol.

"What kind of Pokémon are you?" May asked Absol.

"A pooped one," answered Bulbasaur, waking up beside her.

"And that means I, Ash Ketchum, have saved the day once again!" declared Ash... uh, Absol, who was happy to have stolen the spotlight, albeit for a brief second.

May hopped to her feet and started to push Absol away.

"Thanks for saving me, Ash, but unfortunately, this fic is called 'May's Awesomely Youthful and Stupendously Unique Expedition!' Not 'Ash's Superbly Heroic and Wonderfully Idiotic New Show!'"

"So my fic's acronym is **ASH WINS**? Good one, May... that's exactly what I thought!"

"I said get out, Ash!"

"That would make yours... **MAY SUX**! Boy... you really didn't think about that one before you named it, did you?"

"And you stole Harley's line from Chapter Three!"

"The line doesn't belong to him if he didn't use it..."

"**GO!**"

"Fine then," Absol relented. "But don't blame me if you get into trouble and I'm not around to help..."

With that, Absol left, leaving May and Bulbasaur alone.

"Finally... this fic can get back to accomplishing its true purpose!"

"Shutting up those elitists who hate you no matter what you do just because you replaced Misty?"

"Damn straight!"

Suddenly, an Azurill bounced in on its tail, heading straight for May. Azurill dived to hit May, but she leaped up and over, then turned about and used Ember to knock the small Azurill out.

(Caption - Misty Elitist.)

"Look, people!" May said, turning towards the camera. "I'm not trying to be better than Misty! I'm just an alternative to her! She's Coca-Cola, I'm Pepsi! Get the best of both worlds, people!"

Suddenly, a whole bunch of Azurill appear, hopping madly towards May and Bulbasaur with anger in their eyes.

"Something tells me that wasn't a fair product placement comparison!" Bulbasaur claimed. "Or that they hate product placement, period!"

"It doesn't count if they're competing products sponsoring the same story at the same time! That's not in the best interests of either company!

"Couldn't you just said Soda A and Soda B? Or This Soda and That Soda? You had to say Coca-Cola and Pepsi!"

"Could we just drop it and run?" May shouted, turning about and running for the stairs.

"And do you realize we run more than Shaggy and Scooby-Doo?" Bulbasaur realized as he followed May. "I mean, no wonder you don't gain any weight. With all the apples you eat..."

"Shut up, shut up, **SHUT UP!**"

May and Bulbasaur reached the steps and proceeded to the second floor, leaving the chasing pack of Azurill behind.

* * *

_Frosty Forest 6F_

As May and Bulbasaur arrived on the sixth floor of the dungeon, a voice boomed down from above.

"**FEE-FI-FO-FUM! I SMELL THE BLOOD OF A JAPANESE PRETEEN GIRL!**"

"Take him!" May shouted, pushing Bulbasaur in front of her. "He's voiced by my Japanese little brother!"

"And what's with all the legendary birds who want to eat us?" questioned Max.

"Everything in the world doesn't need an answer, Max! Crap happens!"

* * *

_Frosty Forest Rest Area_

"You know, these Rest Areas are starting to look a lot like Pokémon Centers," May commented. "But without Nurse Joy... or any other humans, for that matter."

Looking around, she spotted that the beds of the outdoor inn were frozen in ice, the vending machine was encased in ice, the Escape Orb was half-buried in snow, and the Kangaskhan statue was covered with a sheet of ice all over.

"I'm beginning to sense a theme," deduced Bulbasaur.

"Well, there's still a few hours until sunset," May noted, "so we might as well continue on..."

May and Bulbasaur did, just as snow flurries started to fall...

* * *

_Frosty Grotto 1F_

May was staring straight into the eyes of a Rhyhorn, who wasted no time in using Horn Attack on her. May took the full force of the hit, but despite grimacing in pain, she was still conscious.

"I can't take much more of this!" May exclaimed.

"Bulbasaur uses... Sleep Powder!" called out Bulbasaur.

The attack worked, as Rhyhorn was put to sleep instantly. May then used Scratch to finish Rhyhorn off for good.

"When did you learn to use Sleep Powder?"

"A couple of dungeons ago," Bulbasaur said with a grin, as a '19' appeared above his head.

"Then why were you complaining about all the running we do if you can put other Pokémon to sleep?"

Bulbasaur shrugged his shoulders. "I dunno know. Didn't seem like a good idea at the time."

"So when **IS** a good idea at the time for you?"

"When some Pokémon comes up to us wearing a hockey goalie's mask while carrying a running chainsaw."

"What's with all the horror references this chapter, anyway? We're Japanese! We don't even celebrate Halloween!"

"Just be glad we're not parodying 'The Ring.' The last writer who wrote a scene making fun of it died exactly seven days later. And everyone who hears about it dies seven days later."

"**AHHHHHHHHHH! THEN WHY DID YOU TELL ME? I'M GONNA DIE IN SEVEN DAYS!** Hey, wait... when you did you first hear this?"

"Seven days ago."

As if on cue, a Metang rushed in and used Take Down on Bulbasaur, taking both May's partner and itself out in the process.

"Bu... Bu... Bulbasaur? Bulbasaur? Heh heh... Bulbasaur? That ain't funny! Please get up! Bulbasaur? **AWWW... HERE IT GOES!**"

May threw her winged hands every which way and exited stage left.

* * *

_Frosty Grotto 5F_

May had recovered somewhat from Bulbasaur's departure as she glanced over the chapter script on her approach to Articuno's nesting place.

"**I... WARNED... YOU!**" he yelled.

"Warned me about what? The chapter outline says May and Bulbasaur make their way to Articuno and fight him!"

"This story is subject to improvisation! Do you know how many lines have already been changed because of actors ad-libbing lines?"

"I don't have to listen to your nonsense!" May shouted as a '21' appeared above her head and she started to glow.

"Oh no, you don't! Powder Snow!"

Articuno buried May in a fast flurry of snowflakes. In fact, she even became frozen in ice because of the attack.

"Ha ha! I'm sorry, dear May, but you'll have to be more graceful than that to beat me! Now, and I hate to do this... but I have to say goodbye to you by pushing you off the side of the cliff."

"..."

Articuno motioned to perform Gust, but suddenly, Absol appeared in front of May, blocking a direct shot.

"..."

"No need to thank me, May! Ash is here to save you! Now, stay here with Pikachu... uh, Bulbasaur... uh, I guess yourself, while I take care of Juan here and win me a Rain Badge! Uh, again!"

"That's not cool," Articuno said in response. "Revealing my identity to the story's young heroine before I could regale her with my tale of how I won the role..."

"Quick Attack!" Absol yelled, quickly striking Articuno and throwing him off balance.

"Now see here! Will you at least..."

"Quick Attack!"

Absol struck Articuno again, pushing him off balance the other way.

"But I'm not even..."

"Quick Attack!"

Third time's the charm, as Absol knocked Articuno on his back, and practically out.

"I give, I give! What do you want?"

"My Rain Badge! Oh, and to believe May and Bulbasaur aren't responsible for all of the natural disasters and stuff. Because I'm such a good guy."

"Fine. As long as they promise to figure out who is!"

"You got it!"

* * *

A few hours later, night had already fallen, and May was defrosting in front of a campfire started by Absol.

"You know," May said to Absol, "I could've handled it."

"Nonsense! Everything's alright when Ash Ketchum the Absol is here!"

May sighed. "Okay, fine, you can come along with me on our run from the mob!"

"You're being chased by a mob? What did you do... steal some mafia boss' hood ornament?"

"That doesn't even make any sense!"

"Everything makes sense when Ash Ketchum is around!"

May sighed again. "I wish Bulbasaur was still alive. I'd prefer him to Mr. World's Most Boastful Hero."

* * *

"May? The answers you seek are just ahead. Get up, May!"

"D... Drew?"

Gardevoir appeared again before May.

"Remember that Legend of Ninetales story that Whiscash told you?"

"Two chapters ago, right? Uh... nope. Doesn't ring a bell."

"Look, I'm not going to even accept your selective memory today. Just get to the top of Mt. Freeze. You'll find your answer there."

"And I'll finally get to go home?"

"Yeah, sure... whatever."

* * *

_The next morning, Mt. Freeze 1F_

"This whole death and return bit is getting tiresome," Bulbasaur said, magically appearing beside May at the start of the dungeon.

"Die, interloper!" May exclaimed, firing Ember at Bulbasaur and knocking him out.

"Uh..." Absol cut in. "You **DO** know who that is, right?"

"I was confused... yeah, that's it! That's my story, and I'm sticking to it!"

"Doy..." uttered Bulbasaur.

* * *

_Mt. Freeze 11F_

May used Peck on Chimecho, scaring it and forcing to flee. Meanwhile, Absol kept using Quick Attack to take care of incoming Vigoroth and Zangoose before they got anywhere close to where they could retaliate.

"I guess I was wrong!" May admitted. "Maybe having you around IS better! It's made my life easier, that's for sure!"

"What would you do without me, Ash Ketchum?"

May smiled. "If only I could figure out how to tape your mouth shut!"

* * *

_Mt. Freeze Peak 5F_

Many floors later, May and Absol reached the summit of Mt. Freeze. They were a little exhausted, but were still in great shape physically. But to the surprise, there was no one waiting for them.

"What gives?" May asked aloud. "It's not like Drew to lie to me. That's something I'd expect more from Harley."

"If only a truth ray was one of my powers," commented Absol.

"So... you're here..."

May and Absol turned about and were surprised to see Team Alakazam walking up the stairwell and stopping in front of them.

"Congratulations for making it this far!" praised Tyranitar.

"We lost a lot of Rescue Teams along the way," commented Charizard.

"Do you know how **HARD** it is to find good Rescue Teams these days?" yelled Alakazam. "Poor Team Constrictor... they were one mission away from becoming our town's second Gold Rank Rescue Team."

"You mean... they're dead?" May asked.

"No... they had to abandon the chase when they got lost in the Frosty Forest. They're fine. But you, young human turned Pokémon... you are not!"

Charizard and Tyranitar moved themselves into a position where the whole team had May and Absol completely surrounded.

"Whoa, May! How did you manage to get three Frontier Brains angry?"

"How did you manage to get a Frontier Brain to fall in love with you?"

"Do what now?" Ash scratched his head.

But before Team Alakazam could take matters into their own hands, they were abruptly stopped by Ninetales, who appeared in front of May.

"What is it with people thinking they need to protect me?" May shouted. "Do I look like a damsel in distress?"

"Then maybe you'll be glad that I saved you," Ninetales said to her... in the same voice that interrupted Whiscash's telling of Ninetales' legend before.

"Janet? Janet, is that you?"

"Nice to see you again, May! But now's not the time for pleasantries."

"But I thought... in that tale, you said that you somehow managed to change back into a human thanks to a witch doctor!"

"Sorry about that... I lied in order to protect the innocent."

"Who?"

"That's not important," Ninetales replied before directing her attention towards Team Alakazam. "Alakazam, I have proof that May here is **NOT** the Pokémon you are looking for!"

"You're not making sense! She used to be a human, now she's a Pokémon! It adds up!"

"Have you ever stopped to think she's not the only human to ever be turned into a Pokémon? I mean, look at me! I'm the same as her! In addition, I'm the one who changed the human in question to a Pokémon! That means I can't be the one of legend."

"And what makes you think she isn't?"

"Because the human I changed was a male. **A MALE!** So unless May isn't her real name, or she's disguising her voice, or she somehow switched genders during the switch... May isn't the one!"

May snapped her fingers. "Of course! Why didn't I realize it the first time? Janet, when you told that story, you specifically mentioned that it changed **THAT GUY** into a Pokémon!"

"I'm suddenly remember hearing that story, too," claimed Alakazam. "So the human we're looking for is a guy!"

"May, you're cleared!" Absol said excitedly. "You know what that means, right?"

"That I can finally be changed back into a human?"

"No. It means that another day was saved... by the one, the **ONLY**..."

May and Ninetales teamed up, with May using Ember and Ninetales employing Flamethrower, the two burnt Absol to a crisp and knocked him out. Alakazam, Charizard, and Tyranitar sweatdropped.

"**PUT A SOCK IN IT!**"

All of a sudden, the ground began to shake furiously. Everyone held on for dear life as some loose rocks off on the cliff sides fell from their perches.

"This can be the work of one and only one Pokémon!"

"Please say it's an Igglybuff, please say it's an Igglybuff," May wished, with fingers crossed.

At that moment, the ground stopped shaking, and Ninetales said...

"Groudon!"

"Crap!" May cried. "Why can't it ever be Igglybuff? Now I have to go down and beat that thing, don't I?"

"No need to worry," reassured Alakazam. "Groudon's too strong for your Rescue Team. Leave it to us! We'll quiet that Groudon down and put it back to sleep!"

Alakazam nodded to his teammates, and then the trio headed for Groudon's home... the Magma Cavern.

"Since it's apparent I'm not going home at this point... at least I think it's apparent... I don't suppose there's a bus that can take me back to the Town Square, right?"

Ninetales chuckled. "May, May, May. Naturally, it would be an honor for you to walk!"

"Awwwwwwwww!" May whined, then turned to the camera again. "I think we better end the chapter here. If I don't make it back by Thursday, just say I called in sick or somethin'..."

**To be continued...**

**Character Guide, Part Six:** Some big notable reveals this chapter! But are we really close to ending this thing already? New this time around, in order of appearance...

Yuma (Gardenia Coordinator, "What I Did for Love") as Moltres  
Drew as 'Mysterious Dream Voice' / Gardevoir  
Ash Ketchum as Absol  
Juan (Sootopolis Gym Leader) as Articuno  
Janet ("All Things Bright and Beautifly") as Ninetales


	8. Chapter Seven

**May's Awesomely Youthful and Stupendously Unique Expedition  
Story Written by Freedom Fighter**

As you've noticed, I've dropped the 'rated PG-13 just to be safe' blurb because I think the fic has crossed enough lines to put it firmly in that rating's range. That doesn't mean the remaining chapters will be any more violent or raunchy than I've already planned them to be.

That being said, on with the next chapter!

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters portrayed in this fanfic. They all belong to Nintendo and Pokémon USA.

* * *

****

**Chapter Seven (03.29.07)**

_Town Square_

Everyone was gathered in the square for the weekly Town Meeting, but all of them were asleep... save for the one currently talking to the crowd, Octillery.

"And that's how I saved the rainforest using a paperclip, a hair scrunchie, and the voice of Bette Midler!"

"**BOOOOOOOO!**" booed Shiftry, the only other one who stayed awake the entire time. "The writer was right! You suck!"

"I'm going to ignore that remark and call up the next speaker..."

With that, the entire crowd woke up at attention.

"Because even though I'm the highest-ranking Rescue Team Captain in town since Alakazam and his team are down in the Magma Cavern, I'm leaving it to our lowly banker to inform you of an important announcement."

Octillery stepped aside and Persian took her place on stage, to the applause of the audience.

"Ahem... I love Wigglytuff!"

The audience suddenly went silent again, then all their eyes turned towards Wigglytuff and Kangaskhan, where Kangaskhan had just lashed Wigglytuff with a series of jabs of Comet Punch.

"Uh..." Persian corrected. "I meant that I love Kangaskhan!"

Kangaskhan stopped attacking and flashed a smile. But then Wigglytuff retaliated by using Double Slap, whacking her rival silly.

"Wait!" he yelled as he ran off the stage towards them. "There's enough Persian for the both of you!"

"Enough hyjinks from the minor characters!" Gengar exclaimed as he jumped up on stage. "It's time to talk about why we're here today!"

"I've got a frog in my throat and it won't come out!" shouted Golem.

"Drew agreed to drop that floozy May and go out with me!" declared Shiftry.

"Locke got killed off on 'Lost' last night!" stated Medicham.

Ekans whacked Medicham over the head. "Thanks for spoiling! I taped it last night!"

"Meta metapod pod pod, Metapod!" screamed Metapod.

(Caption Translation - In two hours, I'll be able to speak English, yep!)

"Those are all very good reasons... save for yours, Metapod... but **NO**! We're here because that little tramp May is coming back into town sometime today!"

"May's coming back?" squealed Caterpie. "I gotta get ready!"

Caterpie spurted String Shot all over her body, leaving her covered in the gooey substance.

"Okay, even I was turned on by that," sweatdropped Gengar. "Anyway, we've gotta teach her a lesson for those days and days of chasing after her we all had to do!"

"So what's the plan, o fearless leader?" Ekans asked.

"The plan is to..."

"Welcome me back with open arms!"

The towns-mon turned to their left and saw May standing there, laughing heartily with a sense of accomplishment as she looked at the very ones who had chased her out of town.

"Finally, May's Expedition has come back to... to... to... uh, just what is the town named, by the way?"

"Uh..." Gengar tried to think.

"Never mind, I'll name it myself! Now, as I was saying... finally, May's Expedition has come back... to... White Base!"

"White... Base?" everyone asked as they looked around the square in confusion.

"Come on, darling!" Gengar rolled his eyes in disgust. "You think American anime fans care about 'Mobile Suit Gundam?' You try and force that old farce on them, and they'll say, 'Well, it's no 'Gundam Wing.''"

"Heero..." Blastoise, Octillery, Ekans, and the female Kecleon all sighed in unison. "You can try and kill yourself for us any day!"

"You all have no appreciation for the classics," May shook her head.

"Like 'Monster Rancher,'" Bulbasaur as he walked into the square.

May shot him an ominous glare.

"What?" responded Bulbasaur.

"You're alive?" Medicham gasped with shock.

"But didn't you die last chapter?" inquired Ekans. "Three times?"

"Guess I've got nine lives," answered Bulbasaur.

"Then you won't mind if I borrow one?" asked Absol as he walked in.

"Everyone," May introduced, "meet the newest member of Team Chic... Absol!"

"You're looking at the Pokémon of the Hour! As part of May's Rescue Team, you can bet that our success rate will jump to 120 percent!"

"Yeah!" Gengar clapped. "Another idiot who sucks at math! You'll fit right in with May's misfits!"

"If you've got something to say about my team," May said, stomping over and sticking her face in front of Gengar, "then say it to my face!"

"Don't **GO** there, girlfriend!" Gengar growled back.

But before the staring contest could turn into a brawl, Pelipper, who had apparently been skipping the town meeting up to this point, flew in with a slew of mail.

"Special Delivery!" she squawked as she starting dropping an extra edition of the town's Pokémon News newspaper at everyone's feet. "Pokémon News Extra, fresh off the printing press!"

Everyone reached up to catch the papers as they fell to them... without falling apart on the way down, surprisingly.

"Throw it here!" May exclaimed, waving both wings in the air.

Pelipper did throw something at May, but it wasn't a newspaper. It was another bill.

"What the..." May questioned as she opened it and Bulbasaur and Absol gathered around her. "I owe you even **MORE**?"

"There's several 250 Poké penalties for not paying on time," noted Bulbasaur. Oh, and 5,000 Poké for deactivation service."

"I have to pay to **NOT** have mail delivered to me? How logical is that?"

"Whoa..." remarked Ash, looking at the total. "I've never seen so many numbers in one... number."

As Pelipper flew back to the Post Office, Caterpie and Metapod ran over to offer Team Chic a glance at the newspaper.

"I knew you didn't do it, May!" Caterpie stated gleefully.

May read the top headline aloud.

"May Not the Pokémon of Legend After All. Jury Still Out on if She's This Decade's 'Danger-Prone Daphne.'"

"Hey, this paper says May's not the one!" shouted Gulpin. "And if the paper says that, then it must be true! Because newspaper journalists are compelled to always print nothing but the truth!"

"**YEAH!**" yelled the crowd.

After reading the headline, Gengar crumpled the newspaper up at anger and threw it to the ground. He walked towards May, and Ekans and Medicham followed suit. The crowd parted to let them come through, and once again May and Gengar were face-to-face.

"You may have won this round, but this game adaptation is far from over! Mark my words, May... you will pay for upstaging Team Meanies!"

Gengar shot glares at Bulbasaur and Absol, then headed out of town and towards Team Meanies' HQ. Ekans and Medicham left as well, making crude faces and sticking their tongues out as they left the square.

"Good riddance to bad rubbish!" Bulbasaur said with a smile.

"There's another headline!" cut in Absol. "Team Alakazam Still Missing. All-Star Team to be Sent to Locate Them!"

"If the paper says that, it must be true!" repeated Gulpin.

"**YEAH!**"

"But... whom shall we send?" asked Persian.

"I'll take the case!" shouted Octillery enthusiastic.

"**YEAH!**" cheered the crowd. "**MAYBE SHE'LL DIE ON THE WAY AND WON'T COME BACK!**"

"Then I'm taking Blastoise and Golem with me!" Octillery said in anger, grabbing the two Rescue Team Captains with her tentacles. "At least if I don't come back, I'm not not coming back with these two!"

"But we wanted to stay for next week's Annual Natural Gas Explosion!" they pouted. "Some poor Pokémon always dies in a comedic way in those!"

"They should've given this role to Officer Jenny," Octillery grumbled as she dragged Blastoise and Golem away.

"And that ends this week's town meeting," declared Persian. "The donut and sandwich reception is being held at Whiscash Pond."

"What?" the Kecleon shouted. "No rice balls?"

"**DONUTS AND SANDWICHES!** Was before, is now, **WILL ALWAYS BE**!"

* * *

_That night..._

"So... you've been waiting for me tonight?"

"Darn straight! Three hours, in fact!"

Gardevoir sighed. "I guess I should be happy that you're not mad that I kept you waiting, but I've come to tell you tonight of my true role in this game!"

"You mean... haunting my dreams isn't your true role?"

"Nope. Actually, my true role is to be the Agent of Spirits! By entering others' dreams, I can guide them towards their true calling in life!"

"Like me winning a Grand Festival before you or Harley?"

"Don't be ridiculous. I'll win one way before you."

"So, if that isn't my true calling... according to you... then what is it?"

Gardevoir opened his mouth, but then the ground began to shake, ending the dream before May could get her answer.

* * *

_The next morning..._

May stomped out of Team Chic Headquarters, angry that her dream sequence had been interrupted by another random act of nature.

"Drew and I were so close that time to... to... I don't know what, but we were **SO** close!"

"Someone's not in a good mood," suspected Bulbasaur as he walked up. "But you will be in a moment!"

"What makes you think **THAT**?"

Bulbasaur smirked. "I have a feeling a certain someone won't be accompanying us on our mission today!"

"Absol's not coming? And what do you mean by mission? Pelipper won't deliver mail to us because I refuse to pay for service... remember?"

"Why worry about mail when Pokémon who need help just walk up to us and ask for it?"

Enter Wynaut and Wobbuffet, who waddled up to May and Bulbasaur.

"Please help us!" begged Wynaut.

"See?" Bulbasaur pointed out.

"There's these three Mankey... they're wrecking everything in the Uproar Forest... there's quite an uproar over it."

"No worries, Mollie!" May reassured her. "We'll put a stop to those raging Mankey!"

"Mollie?" questioned Bulbasaur.

"Yes. She's the girl that what's-her-name ended up taking under her wing instead of Brock. Now... what was her name again?"

"Wasn't it Yuma?"

"Naaaahhh. That **COULDN'T** be it!"

"Wobbuffet!" Wobbuffet chirped.

"And that must be another one of your friends who, like, that Metapod, can only speak Pokémon!" deduced Bulbasaur.

"Actually, that's Team Rocket's Wobbuffet. He's an actual Pokémon! See? The casting director **DOES** knows what he's doing!"

"Wobba wobba!"

"Whatever you say, May..."

* * *

_Uproar Forest 9F_

"Ninth floor already?" May noted. "Wow... this is **WAY** too easy!"

"No wonder the Mankey are wreaking havoc with ease," Bulbasaur said as he looked at the trashed surroundings. "All of the Pokémon here are weaklings!"

All of a sudden, May spotted something on the path just ahead. It wasn't a Pokémon... it was a Chestnut.

"Is this food? It doesn't look edible..."

"I say we keep it! It's gotta be worth something!"

"If you say so..."

* * *

_Uproar Forest 10F_

Coming into a clearing, May and Bulbasaur spotted three Mankey dancing on top of a pile of fruits, vegetables, and Togepi plush dolls, hollering like savages as they celebrated their giant haul.

"Excuse me!" interrupted May. "Can we talk to you for a second? Please?"

The Mankey stopped what they were doing and turned their attention towards May. May was taken aback for a second at the trio glaring at her, but she gathered herself and continued on.

"We've gotten complaints about how you're bothering the other residents of the forest. So, on their behalf, I'd like to ask if you could please stop? We'd all really appreciate it!"

The Mankey glanced up to the sky, as if they were thinking about it, then they huddled up to discuss May's proposal. May and Bulbasaur waited patiently for about a minute before the Mankey broke their conference and prepared to render their decision.

"So..." initiated May, "do we have a deal?"

One of the Mankey held up a sign that read 'You rock! You rule!'

"Is he complimenting or insulting us?" Bulbasaur sweatdropped.

Suddenly, the three Mankey leaped from the pile and jumped towards May. Instinctively, May hopped to her left to avoid the attacking trio. Bulbasaur, on the other hand, didn't, and was instantly smothered by the group.

"Hey... ow!" he yelled through the melee of punches and kicks. "Didn't I get enough punishment last chapter?"

Bulbasaur broke free from the fight and started running back towards town. The three Mankey, in a fit of rage, chased after him. May sighed in relief... sort of...

"Well, at least we got them out of the Uproar Forest..."

* * *

_Team Chic Headquarters_

May returned to the team base about half an hour later, where Wynaut and Wobbuffet were consoling an exhausted, but still breathing, Bulbasaur.

"So..." May chuckled nervously, "they didn't beat you to a pulp..."

"Nice looking out, partner!" Bulbasaur remarked sarcastically.

"Still, you got the Mankey to leave," Wynaut told them. "And that's what counts!"

"Wobbuffet!" Wobbuffet agreed.

"Here's a reward for all your hard work!"

Wobbuffet reached into a backpack, which May had just noticed he had been wearing the whole time, and pulled out... a Chestnut!

"**THAT'S OUR REWARD?**" Bulbasaur yelled. "**I GOT BEAT TO WITHIN AN INCH OF MY LIFE, AND ALL WE GET IS A STUPID CHESTNUT?**"

"But..." May said as she pulled out the one she got from Uproar Forest, "mine doesn't look like yours. It's like it's... missing something."

"This is a Peeled Chestnut!" explained Wynaut. "It's called so because the spiky shell has been peeled off. Simple, no?"

"I don't get how that's better than a regular old Chestnut."

"Wobba!" Wobbuffet interrupted, pointing at the path leading in from out of town.

May and the others followed Wobbuffet's eyes to where he was pointing. They then gasped when they saw the three Mankey running towards them.

"They followed us here?" screamed May and Bulbasaur.

The three Mankey skidded to a stop in front of the group. But they didn't seem to be angry at all. In fact, they were... happy.

"Is it just me, or do their smiles look creepy?" asked Bulbasaur.

May, Wynaut, and Wobbuffet nodded in agreement. Another one of the Mankey produced a sign out of thin air and held it up. This one read 'Now, join me on stage!'

"Uh..." May looked at Bulbasaur and then back at the Mankey again. "Okay..."

May took a step forward, and then got subsequently pounded on the head by that same Mankey. May quickly jumped back in line.

"Ow! What was that for? I did what you said!"

The Mankey then pointed at Wynaut. Or, more specifically, the Peeled Chestnut she was holding in her arms.

"I think they want the Peeled Chestnut."

As Wynaut stepped forward to give it to them, the third Mankey held up a sign of his own. It read 'I've been standing on the sidelines long enough!' He then stepped forward, and snatched the chestnut right from Wynaut's hands. Wynaut quickly stepped back as the three Mankey gathered around the Peeled Chestnut.

"What do you think they're doing?" wondered Bulbasaur.

"Probably figuring out how to split it three ways, I wager," guessed May.

The first Mankey, supposedly the leader, made May a prophet as he used Karate Chop to indeed split the Peeled Chestnut into three equal pieces. Once it was done, the Mankey quickly ate their shares up.

"I guess they were just looking for something to eat," May told the others. "They should be fine now. But something still bothers me. Who's voicing them?"

Satisfied with the 'gift' they received, each of the Mankey produced handheld markerboards. They each scribbled something on their boards, then held them up for May to read aloud, from left to right.

"Jimmy... Marina... Vincent. Ah, I see... that must be the names of the characters from the anime who are voicing the Mankey!"

The three nodded in unison.

"Who are they?" Bulbasaur asked.

"I haven't a clue," May said, shrugging her shoulders.

The Mankey cleaned their boards and scribbled more for May to read.

"Legend of... Thunder... Pokémon Chronicles."

"What's that?"

May shrugged her shoulders again. "I think it was that side series that ran adjacent to the main show."

"They're writing again!" pointed out Wynaut.

This time, they wrote...

"Enough of this... Time to... let us talk. Hmmm... I guess they're talking to the producer."

May, Bulbasaur, Wynaut, and the three Mankey turned to... Wobbuffet?

"Wo... wobba?"

Wobbuffet clapped his hands once, and after a quick flash of light...

"Wobbuffet!" he shouted out, signifying it was done.

The Mankey on the left and the right tried to talk. When no sound came out of their mouths, they both went back to their boards. In seconds, both of theirs read 'What gives?'

"I can talk?" chirped the Mankey in the middle. "I can **TALK**!"

"Uh..." uttered May, Bulbasaur, and Wynaut.

"**FINALLY!** That's no way to treat a future Pokémon Idol, now is it? I just don't know what I'd do if people couldn't hear the beautiful voice that goes with my beautiful figure!"

"That's beautiful?" Bulbasaur muttered out loud. "Sounds like nails on a chalkboard."

"**DON'T MAKE ME USE MY ENCHANTIX ON YOU!**" she yelled at him.

"She's only voiced two shows, and she'll be remembered more for the non-Pokémon one," sweatdropped May.

"But if her voice is so grating," wondered Wynaut, "then why did Wobbuffet only let her actually speak? Hmmm..."

May and Wynaut turned towards Wobbuffet, who responded by sweating profusely and turning blue in the face. A darker shade of blue. Bulbasaur peered over at the other two Mankey, who had something new to say... to Wobbuffet.

"You... pig..." Bulbasaur read aloud.

"I should've known," May shook her head.

The 'talking' Mankey glanced back at her companions and winked at them.

"I promise I'll make it up to you two later. With interest."

The other two Mankey smiled goofily, then wrote one last thing on their boards. They both wrote 'Marry me, Marina!'

"I hate to break up the love triangle," May interrupted, "but if you guys are done, I'd like to get on with my life as a preteen Pokémon!"

"Not so fast!" the 'talking' one wagged her finger. "We have to repay your kindness. Boys... get to it!"

May, Bulbasaur, Wynaut, and Wobbuffet stepped aside as the other two Mankey went to work examining the exterior of Team Chic's base.

"What are they..."

"We're giving your base a makeover! Because plain is **SO** two centuries ago! Trust me, darling, you'll thank me for it!"

"How long will it take?" Bulbasaur asked as the two male Mankey began to take the exterior apart.

"A week, maybe two tops."

"Then... wouldn't it be a bit faster if you helped?"

"You're joking, right? You want **ME** to go up there and risk breaking a nail? Do you think I'm **THAT** shallow?"

"**YES!**" yelled May's foursome.

"Look, just go off and do those rescue thingies you do. I promise that you'll love what we're gonna do to the place! Now go, **GO**!"

* * *

_Two hours later, Silent Chasm 1F_

"So, you said you pulled this off the Bulletin Board?"

"Yeah, May! It's legit! So stop worrying!"

"I worry because we haven't done that many missions yet that weren't required to be completed in order to get through the storyline!"

"This'll be easy, I swear! It's a simple escort mission."

Cue ominous music... bum bum **BUMMMMMMMMMMM**!

"I still don't quite understand why we have a music composer in a fanfic, but whatever. So... who are we escorting?"

May and Bulbasaur turned the corner and spotted their client waiting for them. He resembled a Nidorino, but he was covered in... paper mache?

"**VIVA PINATA!**" May and Bulbasaur yelled.

Pulling out plastic bats from their packs, the two ran over and went to go demolish it.

"Oh G..." Nidorino managed to utter before being cut off.

The chasm then went dark as sounds of destruction and somewhat premeditated murder filled the air. After about ten seconds of that, the whacking stopped... and May and Bulbasaur could be heard talking again.

"Uh oh..." realized Bulbasaur. "I think we're in trouble now."

"Why?" May asked. "Because we just whacked off a major character of the anime?"

"No... because we told too many 4Kids jokes. Now they're threatening to sue us."

May laughed hysterically. "Stop kidding around! They wouldn't do that!"

Dead frozen silence.

"Ooh boy..."

**To be continued...**

**Character Guide, Part Seven:** Some more fun, some more new cast members! Welcome to the party (in order of appearance)...

Mollie (Gardenia Coordinator, "What I Did for Love") as Wynaut  
Wobbuffet (of Team Rocket) as Wobbuffet  
Jimmy, Marina, and Vincent ("The Legend of Thunder") as the Mankey trio

? as Nidorino


	9. Chapter Eight

_Town Square_

A town meeting... apparently, an emergency one, had just been called. Persian was standing at the podium, with Kangaskhan off to his left, and Wigglytuff to the right. And they all looked perfectly unharmed.

"I'd like to thank you all for coming to this Emergency Town Meeting," Persian thanked the crowd. "I promise, I'll be brief! As you know, being I'm the acting story liaison for 4Kids, I had to broker a deal with them just to make sure we could finish this fic!"

"So what's gonna happen?" asked Gulpin.

"Well... we have to scrap the last scene from the last chapter. So, we have to reshoot it, the way the scene was supposed to have been shot!"

"That means May and Bulbasaur get an additional scene!" figured out Gengar. "That's favoritism towards your own kids! **BOOOOOOO!**"

"**BOOOOOO!**" the crowd booed, running over to the refreshment table full of rice balls and chucking them at Persian's head. Persian ducked behind the podium as Kangaskhan and Wigglytuff bolted for cover.

"Hey, Mr. Writer, that goes for you too! Donuts and sandwiches! **DONUTS AND SANDWICHES!**"

* * *

**May's Awesomely Youthful and Stupendously Unique Expedition  
Story Written by Freedom Fighter**

Wow, done on time for once. I'm not sure if I like the way this chapter turned out, especially since the story has to become more serious now that it's about to finish. In addition, I believe I cut one scene and modified another because this ran way too long. Looking at what still has to happen, I'm already dreading having to do the same thing for Chapter Nine.

Eh, let me worry about that. You worry about what's going to happen to May next, k?

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters portrayed in this fanfic. They all belong to Nintendo and Pokémon USA.

* * *

****

**Chapter Eight (04.02.07)**

_Silent Chasm 1F_

"So, you said you pulled this off the Bulletin Board?"

"Yeah, May! It's legit! So stop worrying!"

"I worry because we haven't done that many missions yet that weren't required to be completed in order to get through the storyline!"

"This'll be easy, I swear! It's a simple escort mission."

Cue ominous music... bum bum **BUMMMMMMMMMMM**!

"I **STILL** don't quite understand why we have a music composer in a fanfic, but whatever. So... who are we escorting?"

May and Bulbasaur turned the corner and spotted their client waiting for them. It was a Nidorino, and he smiled at them upon their arrival.

"Team Chic is here to provide a friendly escort!" greeted May. "So, sir, whom are we taking you to today?"

"To Nidorina, of course," he responded... in a familiar voice.

"B-B-B-Brock?"

"Nice to be working with you again, May."

"How did you manage to get two roles in this fic?"

"What two roles? I'm playing the same role! I just... evolved since the last time you saw me!"

"That's pretty amazing," Bulbasaur responded. "I wonder why May and I haven't evolved yet. I think we're at the proper level..."

"I was wondering that too," May thought out loud as a '23' appeared above her head. "Then again, we never paid too much attention to levels at evolution in the TV series. Anyway... since you're a Nidorino now, you should be able to hold your own! This escort mission's gonna be a cinch!"

* * *

_Silent Chasm 3F_

"**AHHHHHH!**" Nidorino screamed as a Teddiursa licked him... to death.

"Take this Reviver Seed!" Bulbasaur shouted, tossing it to Nidorino.

* * *

_Silent Chasm 5F_

"**NOOOOOO!**" Nidorino screamed, as he fainted after being hit by Poliwag's Bubble.

"You need a Reviver Seed!" May stated as she pulled one out and fed it to Nidorino by hand.

* * *

_Silent Chasm 7F_

"**I ENJOY THE PAIN!**" quipped Nidorino sarcastically as he was taken out... this time from a Bite from Trapinch.

"I hate repeating gags again!" May shouted as Bulbasaur reached into her pack to retrieve another Reviver Seed.

* * *

_Silent Chasm 7F_

Nidorino. Yanma. Quick Attack. Unconscious Nidorino.

"**WE KNOW!**" yelled May and Bulbasaur.

* * *

_Silent Chasm 8F_

"Thanks to Nidorino," observed Bulbasaur, as he shook his pack, "we're plum out of Reviver Seeds. And they aren't cheap!"

May cast a dark glare on Nidorino, who stepped back in response.

"I thought you had just evolved! Nidoran males evolve to Nidorino at Level 16! A dungeon from really early in the game shouldn't be any trouble for you! Something's suspicious here..."

"Uh... nothing's suspicious!" Nidorino responded as another Yanma came walking up to them.

May jumped over Brock's head and landed butt first on top of Yanma, pinning him to the ground. Yet, the Yanma hadn't been knocked out.

"I promise to let you go, Yanma, but on one condition," she said to the Pokémon. "I want you to use Foresight on Nidorino!"

"**WHAT?**" Bulbasaur and Nidorino said, panicked.

Before either could voice a serious objection, though, Yanma did as he was told and used Foresight. In seconds, Nidorino's level appeared above his head. He raised his hands to try and cover it. But it was too late... May had seen it, and she was hopping mad.

"Level 1?" she yelled as she got up and walked over to Nidorino, allowing Yanma to escape. "**YOU'RE STILL AT LEVEL 1?**"

"Don't blame me!" Brock cowered before her. "Blame the game's programmers! No matter what Pokémon is being escorted by the Rescue Team, that Pokémon always enters at Level 1! And since escorted Pokémon aren't part of the team, they can't gain experience from battle!"

"So **THAT'S** why you keep asking for escorts!"

"Yes," Brock weeped. "I'm sorry if I led you on... but my love just can't be denied! I HAVE to see this Nidorina!"

"You still might..." Bulbasaur said, pointing ahead. "there she is!"

Sure enough, in an open air room ahead, a Nidorina was patiently waiting for her 'date' to show up. Brock danced around in excitement and immediately ran towards her... without any regards for his own safety.

"Wait a... if you die, I'll lose all my money!" May shouted as she and Bulbasaur ran after him. "**I'M SAVING IT FOR COLLEGE!**"

Nidorino ran up to Nidorina and grabbed her by the arms. He started spinning them around and around, and Nidorina let Nidorino lift her off the ground so she was 'flying' in circles. Seeing the two happily together, May cooed in response to the scene.

"Nothing beats true love. Sigh... I hope one day I'll get to meet my Prince Charming."

"I don't know about Prince Charming," snickered Bulbasaur, "but Princess Lovebug is waiting for you back in town..."

May gasped. "That's right! I promised I'd do something with **HER** today! We'd better get back!"

Nidorino and Nidorina broke their dance of delight and walked over to May and Bulbasaur.

"Thank you for helping me meet my one true love," Nidorino said with a smile. "As a token of my esteem, here's my reward... a Reviver Seed!"

"A Reviver Seed?" May asked again, making sure she had heard him correctly.

"Yes. I figure, I made you guys use all yours to escort me, so the least I can do is repay you for one of them."

"Well... one's better than none I guess. So... **YIPPEE! I GOT MYSELF A REVIVER SEED!**"

"Yeah!" added Bulbasaur. "Uh, I mean, **BULBASAUR**!"

May then pulled out her Rescue Team's badge, and in an instant, she and her partner were whisked out of Silent Chasm and back to the town.

"Now that they're gone," Nidorino smiled. "We can get to know each other a little more..."

Nidorina flashed an uneasy smile before taking a step backwards.

"Uh... dear? Is... something wrong?"

She took another step back, then seemed to mouth words to Nidorino, without making a sound. As Brock tried to read her lips, a group of Pokémon walked in from all corners of the room. There were Nidoran females, Nidorina, and a Nidoqueen or two.

"Gah! Oh **NOOOOOOOOOOOOO**!"

The female evolution line of Nidoran surrounded Nidorino from all sides, leaving him with no way to get out.

(Caption - These are the girls Nidorino 'stood up' because his escort teams could never get him to his dates.)

"Look, I'm sorry!" Nidorino apologized. "I tried... I really did, but... stuff kept happening!"

All of the girls smirked evilly as they got closer and closer and closer...

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but... **GET AWAY FROM ME!**"

Alas, none of them were willing to follow Nidorino's request. In seconds, they were all over him, reaching over each other to get in a punch or some other type of hit on him.

"I liked the other scene better. **I DIDN'T SEE IT COMING!**"

And with that, Nidorino was, for once, unhappy to be buried under a mountain of the opposite sex.

* * *

_The next morning, Town Square_

May and Bulbasaur headed into the center of town, where Caterpie and Metapod were waiting for them. And Caterpie was pissed off.

"**WHERE WERE YOU YESTERDAY? BEST FRIENDS FOREVER DON'T BREAK PROMISES LIKE YOU JUST DID!**"

"Sorry, sorry, sorry!" May bowed several times in apology. "I'll make it up to you! I really will!"

"**YOU BET YOU WILL!**" she said.

"H... help..."

The foursome turned back towards the square's western entrance and saw Octillery, Blastoise, and Golem crawling in. They were all badly bruised and barely clinging on to consciousness.

"What happened?"

Neither Blastoise or Golem had a chance to respond, as they fainted right at that moment. Octillery, though, managed to stay awake for a few seconds just to tell May one thing...

"I can't... wait for... the Pokémon Ranger adaptation..."

With that, Octillery conked out.

"Not from this writer!" exclaimed May.

"May!" Bulbasaur cut in. "May, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"

"But Bulbasaur... we're already naked!"

Caterpie blew a kiss to the camera. "Good night, everyone!"

"No, actually, I was thinking... uh, pondering, if these guys came back like this and Team Alakazam's still missing, that means..."

May gulped. "We're the only ones left capable of going in to save them? Geese... I **HATE** how things always work out like that!"

"Well," observed Caterpie. "It's better than spending a day with me. Or so the director says... did I ever tell you that I don't like the director?"

"I'd better go get some supplies," Bulbasaur told May. "We'll leave as soon as I'm done, okay?"

With that, Bulbasaur went off to begin preparations.

"You know," Caterpie said slyly as she slithered up to May's side, "I could come with you."

"But didn't Team Alakazam go to the Magma Cavern? Last time I checked, bugs and magma don't mix really well..."

"Maybe you're right... I don't want to be a burden. Bugs should never play with fire. Now I know!"

May winked. "And knowing is half the battle!"

"Pod pod **PODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD**!" Metapod sang.

(Caption Translation - Like I even have to tell you.)

* * *

_Several hours later, Magma Cavern B1F_

May and Bulbasaur arrived at the entrance to the Magma Cavern. They both took in a deep breath before beginning their descent downwards into the fiery pit. Immediately after the start, they ran into a tough Raticate and an even tougher Nidoking.

"Take this!" May yelled, using Sand Attack to temporarily blind Raticate.

Nidoking responded by using Double Kick. May dodged the first kick, but couldn't avoid the second. She doubled over in pain, gritting her teeth as she tried to forget how hard she just got hit. Raticate attempted to finish her off with Hyper Fang, but because he had been partially blinded, he missed May by several feet.

"Bulbasaur uses Razor Leaf!" cried May's partner, using his signature move to take Raticate out.

"Thanks," winced May. "Now, it's my turn!"

May used Ember on Nidoking, resulting in heavy damage on her opponent. Nevertheless, Nidoking was still standing, and he was preparing a counterattack to finish off May. That counterattack was another round of Double Kick.

"I can... do this!" May thought to herself as she focused on Nidoking's attacking leg.

May jumped over the lead kick, a sweeping roundhouse. Nidoking then followed with two high kicks, both of which May ducked under, and rounded things out with a thrust towards the mid-section. May leaned to her left just enough to avoid being grazed by Nidoking's powerful center kick.

"I... did it? Alright! I did it!"

"One more time!" Bulbasaur exclaimed, using Razor Leaf on Nidoking this time. "**RAZOR LEAF!**"

The leaves ripped through Nidoking, zapping the last of his HP and knocking him out.

"Wow... that was tough!" Bulbasaur said, wiping the sweat from his forehead with one of his own vines. "How big is this dungeon, May?"

"I don't know," replied May. "I hadn't made it to this point in the game yet!"

"Do you... think we'll make it all the way through?"

"We have to. I'm not sure we have time to redo this dungeon again."

* * *

_Magma Cavern B9F_

Bulbasaur looked a bit frightened as he observed that the walls around him were littered with flames. He also spotted rivers of magma flowing around the dungeon. Being a grass-type, he wasn't anywhere near comfortable as he followed May around.

"I realize that this is your element, May... but can we hurry up? I'm burning up in here!"

"Chill out! I'm moving as fast as I can!"

As they ran for the stairs, a Graveler walked into the room. He jumped up and back down, causing the ground to shake furiously.

"That must be Magnitude!" Bulbasaur yelled as he and May both took a hit from the violent shaking of the cavern.

"Quick! Down the stairs before it uses that attack again!"

May and Bulbasaur bolted for the next floor, escaping Graveler's wrath.

* * *

_Magma Cavern B18F_

Bulbasaur was standing face-to-face with a Grimer as May ran into the room, having temporarily become separated from her partner. Suddenly, a horrible stench was emitted from Grimer, and Bulbasaur became paralyzed in an instant.

"My contract explicitly states that I don't do flatulence," stated a grossed-out Bulbasaur.

"I've gotta kill it!" May stated without hesitation.

May reared her wing back and used Scratch on Grimer. Having already being weakened significantly by Bulbasaur, that attack ended up putting the sludge Pokémon down.

"Phew!" May said in relief, fanning the air around her. "I can't believe kids eat this kind of stuff up."

"We all live in a simple-minded world," Bulbasaur responded, gagging openly because of the stink-filled air.

* * *

_Magma Cavern B23F_

"I guess we're not even trying with this one..." noted Bulbasaur, on the run.

"Does that even need a response?" asked May, following close behind.

May and Bulbasaur were, in fact, running from two Onix who were roaring loudly and chasing them through the cavern's corridors.

* * *

_Magma Cavern Rest Area_

Having escaped the Onix, May and Bulbasaur took a break as they reached the cavern's rest stop. Because of the hot conditions, though, this area was devoid of all of the normal things that were in the previous chambers. There was a Kangaskhan statue and the permanently-fixed Escape Orb, but that was it.

"So..." Bulbasaur wondered out loud, "are we calling it a day?"

"I... I don't know if we can," answered May. "We haven't seen Team Alakazam yet. Who knows what condition they're in? They could need our help now!"

"You're really looking forward to battling this Groudon, aren't you?"

"Are you kidding? I hope we don't have to fight it! That thing would probably eat us alive! And it may actually happen this time, unlike those other instances earlier on when the bosses threatened to eat other Pokémon."

"So what do we do?"

"Hope that we find Team Alakazam and help them get back on their feet. Maybe if we help them, they'll be able to take care of the Groudon."

"Very well then... let's do it to it!"

* * *

_Magma Cavern Pit B2F_

Descending deeper and deeper into the cavern, May and Bulbasaur were surprised when their hopes came true and they found Charizard and Tyranitar lying on the floor, exhausted.

"Don't go in there!" Charizard warned. "There's something to be said about a woman who can beat the crap out of three strapping men like us!"

"Such a beating should be illegal in 48 states!" remarked Tyranitar.

"Where's Alakazam?" asked May. "Take me to your leader!"

"Too tired..." gasped Charizard. "But... he should be ahead..."

"Just... watch out... for **HER**!" Tyranitar uttered slowly.

May took a deep breath and sighed as Charizard and Tyranitar passed out before her very eyes. Bulbasaur scratched his head in confusion.

"Why are so many of the bosses women in this story?" Bulbasaur asked.

"You've got a problem with that?" May retorted, giving him the eye.

"No, of course not! I'm just saying..."

"If I were you, I'd shut up and starting walking before we have a repeat of Brock's scene," May told him as she pushed him towards the nearby stairwell.

* * *

_Magma Cavern Pit B3F_

May and Bulbasaur entered Groudon's chambers, and immediately found Alakazam sitting with his back against a nearby wall. He was still conscious, but he didn't have any strength in him to get to his feet.

"I can't believe... I was beaten so easily..."

"Alakazam!" May screamed. "Are you alright?"

"May? What are you doing here? Get out of here, you idiot!"

"Is that anyone to talk to someone who's saving your life?"

"I'm serious! You have to get out of here before Groudon comes back! She's a monster! There's no way you and Bulbasaur can take her out by yourselves!"

"That's why we brought an Oran Berry!" May explained as she motioned for Bulbasaur to search for it in their supply pack. "We're hoping to get you back to full strength so you can fight her."

"Don't you get it? It's useless... even I'm not strong enough to beat her. She's... unbelievably strong."

"Don't **YOU** get it? Don't you know that anything can be accomplished if you just believe?"

Alakazam shot May a strange look. "What do you think this is, a Disney movie? For crying out loud... these things don't always wrap up with all the loose ends tied into a little bow! Just believing that you're gonna win is gonna get you and your partner killed!"

Bulbasaur raised his paw up and present his own concerns.

"Permission to go home and pretend this never happened?"

"Permission denied," May replied sternly. "We're seeing this through to the end!"

"Then I hope you've got a will made out, May!"

Alakazam's face went white with fear as May and Bulbasaur looked all about the room, wondering where the voice was coming from. Suddenly, a large pile of empty beer bottles magically appeared before the group.

"She's legal, right?" May asked, checking to make sure.

"For all intensive purposes," replied Alakazam, "she **IS** 18."

"But don't you have to be 21 to drink in Japan?" wondered Bulbasaur.

"Not in America!" reminded May. "Not... in... America."

Groudon appeared with a flash, marking her arrival by landing in the midst of the bottles and sending them flying every which way. Alakazam had enough power to use Reflect to keep the airborne debris away from him, May, and Bulbasaur.

"You finally made it!" Groudon smiled happily. "I'm impressed, May. **CAN'T YOU TELL THAT I'M IMPRESSED?**"

"Grace?" May gasped in shock. "Is that you?"

"Darn tootin'! Hic... and it's good to see you again, girl! **WHY** haven't you been **CALLING** me?"

"Are you sure it's safe for you to be a drunk legendary Pokémon?"

"Hic... hic..." hiccupped Groudon. "Don't be... the thing where you think I'm not in the right frame of thinking... hic... this is the best gig since my original appearance from the TV series!"

"I don't know if... I can fight you. You're a good friend of mine! A friend who isn't in any condition to fight!"

"Haven't you seen that flick where Jackie Chan kicks the bad guys' butt bestest when he's drunk? That's me... only I'm the one who's gonna kick butt! Isn't that **COOL**?"

"No, it's not! Friends don't let friends fight drunk!" May stated before pausing and coming to a realization. "Geese... I sound like one of those crappy PSAs."

"You know, I'm not **HAPPY** you woke me **UP**, May! You and your friends in the town up there. So... I'm gonna make you pay for disturbing my slumber and making me try to **DRINK** myself back to sleep!"

"Please..." May cried, "Please don't make me fight you."

"Don't you know... **THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR!**"

Groudon charged towards May. Bulbasaur dragged Alakazam out of the line of fire, as May jumped to her right to avoid Groudon's first attack, Slash.

"You move pretty fast for a Torchic... hic!"

"I beg you! I can't fight you!"

"**BELIEVE IN THE CAUSE AND YOU WILL WIN!**"

Groudon used Ancientpower, a mysterious attack that KO'ed May in one blow. Thankfully, Bulbasaur had a Reviver Seed on hand to save her. After helping her, he put Alakazam down so he could physically help May battle Groudon.

"Bulbasaur uses Razor Leaf!" he shouted.

Bulbasaur launched his grass attack, but as expected, it did little to stop Groudon in her tracks.

"Don't attack her!" May told him. "I don't want you to attack!"

"You'd better attack!" Groudon shouted at May. "If you wanna be able to return home, you have to **DEFEAT ME**!"

Groudon used Slash again, and this time she did get May. May fell to the ground, aching in pain as she struggled to get back to her feet.

"If you were the true defender of justice, you **WOULD** be the one winning right now!"

"Stop looking at her like she's your girlfriend and **KILL HER**!" Alakazam yelled.

"Alakazam's right!" added Bulbasaur. "We have to fight, or we're all gonna be left out to fry!"

Bulbasaur reached into the pack and pulled out a bunch of Gravelerock. He then chucked as much of it at Groudon as he could.

"Hey, knock it off!" Groudon and May both yelled, for different reasons.

"I told you not to attack her!" reiterated May.

"At least someone understands what's at stake!" Groudon exclaimed. "Too little, too late!"

Groudon unleashed her most devastating attack, Earthquake! The cavern shook furiously as the ground broke up beneath May and the others, collapsing under their weight.

"**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!**"

**To be continued...**

**Character Guide, Part Eight:** This chapter bares witness to the only Pokémon in the story who evolves over the course of it, as well as the introduction of another well-loved coordinator/rival of May's! The magic two, in order of appearance...

Brock as Nidorino  
Grace (Fallarbor Coordinator, "Pros and Con Artists") as Groudon


	10. Chapter Nine

**May's Awesomely Youthful and Stupendously Unique Expedition  
Story Written by Freedom Fighter**

We're pushing towards the homestretch! Will May make it to the end and get home? Or will two of her greatest rivals stand in her way?

The answers **MAY** be revealed in this penultimate chapter!

I hated that I had to cut about three pages worth of material, though... there was a lot of good stuff that didn't make the cut.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters portrayed in this fanfic. They all belong to Nintendo and Pokémon USA.

* * *

****

**Chapter Nine (04.05.07)**

_Magma Cavern Pit B3F_

May had closed her eyes as the floor had opened up beneath her. But for some reason, the sensation of falling went away after a few seconds. At the same time, she had remembered something being chucked into her mouth and being swallowed without any trouble. Opening her eyes, May saw that she was sitting on a portion of the floor that was still intact. Groudon was chugging down another bottle of beer about twenty feet away. As for Bulbasaur and Alakazam, they were nowhere to be seen.

"What happened?" May asked out loud. "Where's Bulbasaur? And Alakazam?"

Groudon put her bottle down and answered May's question by pointing towards the large hole in the floor left by the Earthquake.

"They fell down. That partner of yours threw a Reviver Seed at you before he hit the ground on the floor below us. Then... they disappeared."

"I can't believe you did that!" May yelled, getting to her feet.

"It's all in the name of justice, love, and... hic... friendship!"

"Justice? Love? Friendship? You've been watching 'My-HiME,' haven't you?"

Groudon chuckled. "I make a great Midori, don't I? **SAY** I do! That reminds me... maybe you should suggest to that writer friend of yours to do a parody of that anime next! Could you imagine it?"

"Hmmm..." May wondered, a thought cloud appearing over her head.

After a few seconds, May shook her head in disbelief, trying to forget the horrible images of Harley in a schoolgirl outfit.

"No, no, **NO**! That's even worse than Harley dressing up like **ME**! I'm **REALLY** gonna make you pay for making me see that!"

May's Torchic body became ablaze with flames as seething anger enveloped her. Grace opened her eyes to this act, whistling with praise.

"So this is the real you. Now that you're taking this seriously... let's **FIGHT**!"

"I'm gonna make you pay for taking away my brother!"

May reared back and used Ember, launching a stream of fire right at Groudon. She laughed as the flames hit her, though they didn't seem to be hurting her much.

"May, please! That barely tickles! You must **REALLY** not be prepared to fight someone as strong as myself!"

"Oh yeah? Then let me turn up the **HEAT**!"

May used Focus Energy to hone her strength, but Groudon wasn't going to wait for her to power up. Groudon sprinted towards May with claws drawn, ready to perform Slash. May slid between and through Groudon's legs. Popping up behind Groudon, May quickly used Ember again. This time, it had a more noticeable effect, especially given that Groudon didn't see it coming.

"Very impressive, getting me from my blind side!" she complimented. "But it'll take **MORE THAN THAT**!"

Utilizing Ancientpower, Groudon fired a mysterious blast from her hands. But as she fired it, she leaned left ever so slightly, causing her to just miss hitting May, who wasn't fast enough to dodge it otherwise.

"Talk about a close shave!"

May then inexplicably began glowing a burnt red orange color. A smile crept across her beak when she saw '25' appear above her head. She then felt something warm generating inside her stomach.

"Another new attack!" May exclaimed. "I feel good about this one!"

"Don't count your eggs before they've hatched!" Groudon told May. "After all, I've got a... hic... move left to reveal!"

"It's... it's coming up!" realized May, as the warm feeling in her stomach started to move up her throat and towards her beak.

"Mine's coming first!" smiled Groudon... before her cheeks bulged and she had to reach up to cover her mouth... as to prevent it from coming out.

Groudon did have something come up first. Apparently, she had reached her drinking limit, and her body was rejecting the excess alcohol, causing Groudon to puke.

Meanwhile, May was ready to reveal her newest attack.

"1, 2, 3, here we go... **FIRE SPIN!**" she yelled the last part, even though her entire mouth was filled with flames.

The steady stream of fire spiraled as it made its way to Groudon, who only at that second realized what was going on.

"**YEAH! I'M GOING TO POKEMON HEL...**"

Groudon never got to finish her thought, as she became enveloped in a twister of fire reaching several feet higher than even her tall 11 1/2-foot structure.

"And don't call it a comeback!"

May snapped her fingers, and upon doing so, the flaming tornado dissipated in an instant. She saw Groudon lying face down in a puddle of her own puke, unwilling to fight anymore.

"Oyyyyyyyy..." she groaned.

With Groudon defeated, Charizard and Tyranitar limped onto the floor. Right behind them was Alakazam and Bulbasaur, who apparently had survived the fall through the ground. And got back up to May's floor even though technically there were no floors below May.

"I just saved my brother and the Frontier Brains!" May growled at the narrator. "Who cares about the details?"

"Blimey, that's my sis!" Bulbasaur agreed... with an Australian accent.

Suddenly, May felt her eyes roll back as she spun around and did a face plant on the ground, fainting from exhaustion.

* * *

A door appeared before May in her dream instead of Drew, making her think for a minute and wonder what was going on.

"Is this a sign?" May thought out loud. "Has Drew slammed the door on our relationship? You mean... gasp... it's over? But I don't want it to be over..."

Proving her point, May reached for the doorknob and turned it. The door creaked open. But to her horror, Gardevoir wasn't waiting for her on the other side. It was...

"Hello, May!" greeted Gengar.

"Harley? I don't remember giving you permission to be in my dreams! My nightmares, maybe..."

"I told you there was still time left for you to pay for upstaging me and my crew! Representin' Florida, peeps!"

He snapped his fingers, and a song started playing in the background. He danced to the beat as he sang the lyrics.

"It's peanut butter jelly time, peanut butter jelly time, peanut butter jelly time!"

"Oh, please... anything but **THAT**!"

"Where he at, where he at, where he at, where he at? There he go, there he go, there he go, there he go! Peanut butter jelly! Peanut butter jelly! Peanut butter jelly! Peanut butter jelly! Do the peanut butter jelly, peanut butter jelly, peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat! Do the peanut butter jelly..."

"**THAT'S EVEN WORSE THAN THE CHICKEN DANCE!**" Gardevoir yelled, appearing and using Psychic to boot Gengar out of the dream.

"But I didn't even eat May's dream yettttttttt..."

With that, Harley disappeared from the dream... and from the fic.

"Peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat. No, seriously... what the crap does that mean, anyway?"

"Thanks for the save, Drew! I mean, Gardevoir! No, wait... I did mean Drew. I... think."

"Look, there isn't much time! Listen... **THE WORLD IS ABOUT TO END!** Oh, and so is the game."

"Stop being so serious! Sure, that song was bad, but that doesn't mean that..."

"May... there's a meteor coming down from space. When it hits, the world will end!"

"Ha ha, very funny," May remarked sarcastically. "You're a little late on the 'My-HiME' jokes..."

"Fine then! We'll see who's laughing when you can't go home because you were killed with everyone else when this world explodes!"

May rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Look, let's assume you're telling the truth. The next question is... how am I going to stop it? Even if I out of the blue became a Blaziken right now, I still wouldn't be strong enough to stop it!"

"Uh... I'm not supposed to give you the answer."

"Why not?"

"Because you're only **NOW** believing me! If we were lovers, you would have believed me from the start!"

"As much as I love you, we're not officially a couple until we kiss in the anime! And since we're not in the show anymore, the fandom that supports our relationship has as much clout as the BelleShippers."

(Caption - BelleShipper - Drew and Dawn)

"Anyway... you were going to tell me how to stop that meteor. Right?"

"Oh, that? Eh... someone will find that out for you. Now... let me see if there's a ship for me and..."

* * *

**"IF IT'S NOT ME, I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!"**

May woke up in the middle of Town Square, surrounded by the entire town. They were all looking down at her, wondering what she was doing lying there.

"Uh..." May chuckled nervously, "if there's anyone here who's in an established ship with me and your name's not Drew, could you please take a step back? Especially if it's you, me, and at least one other person?"

"So what does it mean if I step forward?" asked a mystery voice.

May and everyone else looked around the square, trying to figure out who was speaking. But Alakazam quickly cleared that up.

"You fools! It's Xatu, and she's communicating telepathically!"

"You mean... Dawn?"

"**MY NAME'S NOT KARI, IT'S...** oh, wait, you did get it. Then... uh... oh yeah, I want you to come to the Hill of the Ancients. There's a giant meteor coming..."

"**AND WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!**" Ekans and Medicham yelled.

With that, the entire square went into a panic, as some went to their homes to hide, while others started rioting and wrecking the shops. All except for May, Bulbasaur, Absol, and Alakazam.

"I think I'd understand this more if I explained it to you in person. Alakazam, could you help me, please?"

"As you wish," Alakazam bowed, before starting to charge up his psychic powers. "Everyone join hands!"

May clasped with Bulbasaur on her left and Absol on her right, and the two males joined hands with Alakazam. The psychic Pokémon then used Teleport to transport them to the...

* * *

_Hill of the Ancients_

Xatu cheered as May and the others arrived. She waddled up to them, holding an ancient, multi-faced, colorless rock in her wings.

"What's that?" May asked.

"This is a Teleport Gem!" Xatu explained. "This will get you to the Sky Tower, the home of Rayquaza!"

"You mean the Guardian of the Sky?"

"That's amazing!" Bulbasaur and Absol said at the same time.

Xatu nodded. "Only **SHE** has the power to destroy the meteor. It'll be up to you to reach her and convince her to do so."

Alakazam looked at the sky and did some calculations in his head.

"Hmmm... by my guess, I'd say we have until sunset."

"Isn't that peachy keen?" Xatu said cheerily.

"Why would you be happy about the world ending?" asked Bulbasaur.

Xatu ignored Bulbasaur's question, as she focused her concentration on the rock she was holding.

"I have to power up this Teleport Gem enough to send your team up there, May. But... I'm gonna need some help."

She looked at Alakazam, who immediately caught on and walked over to starting pouring his energy in. After a few hours...

"We're ready!" Xatu said, off-screen.

May and Absol joined Bulbasaur besides Xatu and Alakazam, who were now holding the brightly shining Teleport Gem.

"Concentrate!" Alakazam told them, handing the gem to May. "We only generated enough power for one trip! So if you MISS the Sky Tower... well, that's self-explanatory."

May held out the Teleport Gem and closed her eyes. Bulbasaur wrapped one of his vines around it, while Absol touched it with his horn.

"Skyyyyy Tower, Top Floor, Top Floor," they chanted in unison. "Skyyyyy Tower, Top Floor, Top Floor."

Then, somebody's mind wandered.

"Skyyyyy Tower, Top Floor, Chili Dog..."

"**ASH!**" May scolded.

With that, May, Bulbasaur, and Absol disappeared with the Teleport Gem. Left in their place was a plate with two chili dogs on it.

"I had forgotten all about lunch," Alakazam said, licking his lips as he ran over to the plate and started eating.

"Uh..." Xatu hesitated, sweatdropping.

"My apologies... did you want one of these?"

Xatu shook her head. "No. I'm not into that."

"Then... what **ARE** you into?"

Xatu blinked, confused as to what Alakazam was alluding to.

* * *

_Sky Tower Entrance_

May, Bulbasaur, and Absol arrived at the Sky Tower, but they weren't at the top floor. They, instead, had materialized at the lowest cloud level.

"Thanks a lot, Ash!" May yelled at Absol. "You just **HAD** to make this difficult, didn't you?"

"Oh, come on! It'll be more fun if we wait 'til the last minute to reach Rayquaza!"

"We don't have time for that! The world's about to end, and you want to go the cliché hero routine!"

"You'll be praised more if they've seen you've done more."

"Guys, let's go!" Bulbasaur shouted. "Time is of the essence!"

Realizing Bulbasaur was right, May and Absol nodded and followed the grass-type into the dungeon.

* * *

_Sky Tower 2F_

With a team of three, Team Chic seemed to be breezing through with no resistance at all from the dungeon's residents. That is, until a Masquerain showed up to take on May and her teammates. Masquerain started by using Water Sport to weaken May's fire-type attacks. Which she quickly discovered first-hand...

"Oh no!" May freaked after Fire Spin did little to hurt Masquerain. "Even my strongest attack couldn't take it down."

"That's why you've got us!" Absol exclaimed.

Absol leaped forward and used Bite, sinking his teeth into Masquerain's left wing and injuring him immensely.

"And... Razor Leaf!" Bulbasaur yelled, using his attack to finish the opponent off.

"And that's how it's done!" Absol and Bulbasaur said to May.

"Thanks, guys," thanked May. "You really... saved me."

"That's nothing!" Absol said with a smile. "Just wait 'til we get to Rayquaza!"

"We'll protect you, May!" reassured Bulbasaur.

The two then ran ahead.

"Yeah, I know I said I didn't like being the damsel in distress. But they seem to be having so much fun... I don't want to ruin it..."

May then left, skipping after her teammates.

* * *

_Sky Tower 25F_

Things stopped going smoothly for Team Chic when they hit one of the game's biggest traps... a Monster House. With the stairs plainly in sight on the other side of the room, May and her team were jumped by a room filled with two Venomoth, three Aerodactyl, a Flygon, and two Tropius.

"So many..." May said with worry. "How can we beat them all?"

Ash smirked. "Time once again... for Ash Ketchum to save the day!"

"Time for teamwork, you mean!" Bulbasaur jumped in. "Bulbasaur uses Sweet Scent!"

Sweet Scent lowered their opponent's ability to dodge attacks.

"And then I'll use Growl!" May announced, growling at the opposition.

Growl succeeded in lowering attack strength.

"And now, the hero of the day! Double Team! Double Team! Double Team!"

Absol created dozens of copies of himself, increasing his evasiveness.

"Now... Quick Attack! Quick Attack! Quick Attack! Quick Attack!"

The Absol ran all over the battlefield, hitting all of the Pokémon before they could even react. And when they did, they always seemed to hit one of the copies... or nothing at all.

"To think, this is the one time I'd love this much Ash!" May said aloud.

"Look at him go!" Bulbasaur pointed out. "They can't catch him!"

As the Pokémon started to fall, one of the Aerodactyl actually got smart and decided to go attack Bulbasaur instead. To increase his success rate, Aerodactyl also decided to use Agility to reach his prey faster.

"**AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!**"

May quickly came to Bulbasaur's rescue by using Fire Spin, which burned Aerodactyl to a crisp before knocking it out. As Aerodactyl fell, Absol was finishing off the last of the others.

"Thanks for saving me, May!"

May shrugged her shoulders and smiled. "It's a chick thing."

Absol ran for the stairs and motioned for May and Bulbasaur to follow.

* * *

_Sky Tower Rest Area_

Arriving at the Rest Area, Team Chic found it to be very barren. All that was there was a Kangaskhan statue... and a sign next to the path leading the tower's summit. They immediately went for the sign.

"**DANGER!**" May read aloud. "Maze-like catacombs ahead! Proceed from this point on at your own risk!"

Bulbasaur then read aloud the small print. "To inquire about housing in the Sky Tower Summit District, contact Rayquaza on the 9th Floor."

"Nine floors!" May whined. "We don't have time to scale nine more floors!"

They all looked up and saw the meteor getting close to the summit. Bulbasaur made a quick observation.

"We can't let the meteor get past Rayquaza's house! If we try to destroy it after that happens, it won't completely burn up before it reaches the planet's surface! Pokémon will surely die!"

May glanced west and saw that the sun was already on the way down.

"We've got at best, what, thirty minutes? We won't make it!"

"Don't worry!" Absol cut in. "I've got a secret weapon!"

* * *

_Sky Tower Summit 9F_

"That was more like secret weapons!" May exclaimed.

Ash laughed heartily. "You can thank the towns-mon for that! Warp Seeds, Totter Seeds, Petrify Orbs, Big Apples, and a bunch of Iron Thorn! All those Pokémon didn't stand a chance!"

"And those were some pretty tough Pokémon!" noted Bulbasaur.

"So... we're finally at the top. I wonder where Rayquaza is..."

"**DO I HEAR SOME UNINVITED GUESTS?**"

May gasped as Rayquaza appeared before them. She was about to yell at them, but she changed her attitude when she saw May.

"Oh... hi, May! Nice to see you again!"

"Solidad?"

"**SOLIDAD?**" yelled Bulbasaur and Absol.

"You really should've called, May. I love having guests. When they're invited. But seeing as you're not... sadly, I have to kill you all now."

"But Solidad..." May cried.

"Rules are rules. I don't like 'em any more than you do, but I gotta abide by them like everyone else."

"Will you two settle your rivalry later?" Absol butted in. "If you hadn't noticed, there's a meteor that needs destroying!"

"Ha!" Rayquaza mock-laughed. "That thing? Like I care."

"You mean you don't?" asked Bulbasaur. "We live down there!"

"You ground-mon have never done anything for us! So why should us who reside in the sky do anything for you?"

"Because it's the right thing to do!" Absol said to Rayquaza. "It's the Pokémon thing to do!"

"Okay," Rayquaza gave in. "I'll destroy this meteor for you."

"Yippee!" Team Chic hollered in celebration.

"But first, you're going to have to prove your worthy of me saving you. So... the three of you are going to have to beat me in battle!"

May, Bulbasaur, and Absol started throwing Iron Thorn and some spare Gravelerock they had collected at Rayquaza at once.

"Ow, ow, ow, ow, **OWWWWW**!" cried Rayquaza. "Okay, May, I know you're not happy that I completely dominated you at the Kanto Grand Festival, but... three-on-one? That's not fair!"

"We're in a hurry, alright?" May shot back.

Rayquaza then used Dragon Dance to increase her speed and attack power. She then used Dragon Claw to take out Absol with one blow. But he didn't go away, as May quickly threw him a Reviver Seed. Undeterred by this, Rayquaza used Dragon Claw on Absol again! Absol fell and May revived him with another seed.

"I thought you were in a hurry to lose!"

"No!" Absol declared. "We're in a hurry to win!"

Absol and May teamed up and both used Quick Attack to get some fast damage. Bulbasaur then used Leech Seed... but Rayquaza dodged that easily.

"My turn!" Rayquaza said excitedly as she used Dragon Dance again.

She then used Dragon Claw twice in succession. Once on Absol, and then on Bulbasaur. On both occasions, May brought them back to life with Reviver Seeds.

"We can't keep this up!" May panicked, showing her empty pack. "That was the last of our Reviver Seeds!"

"Then we'll have to combine our strongest attacks **NOW**!" shouted Absol at the top of his lungs. "On my mark..."

The three Pokémon charged up for one last attack. It was do or die time... literally.

"One shot to decide it all?" Rayquaza grinned. "Fine. My Dragon Claw against your best attacks! Leave it all on the court, May!"

"**GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!**"

Absol used Razor Wind, Bulbasaur threw out Razor Leaf, and May blew out Fire Spin. The three attacks combined and barreled towards Rayquaza, who charged it head-on, ready to go right through it with Dragon Claw.

"**IT'S OVER!**" both sides screamed.

Rayquaza collided with the tri-attack, resulting in a giant explosion that blinded the area with white light. As May and the others regained visibility, an Earthquake that had started on the planet's surface could even be felt up at the top of the Sky Tower, as the cloudy surface left May and her team with nothing to hold onto for support. Bulbasaur screamed in terror when he saw the staircase leading up to the floor collapse.

"This doesn't make any sense!" Rayquaza shouted in disbelief, yet covered in bruises and cuts. "How could I lose?"

"I think we've got bigger problems!" May told her between rumbles.

"The shooting star?" Rayquaza remembered, as she looked up and saw that it was about a mile away and closing fast.

"If you don't destroy that thing right now!" explained Absol, "this entire tower will be taken out! As well as the rest of the planet!"

"I could use Hyper Beam, even though I'm not at a high enough level to actually learn it... but doing so at this close distance would destroy this Tower anyway!"

"We accepted the risk when we made Kelly a Caterpie!" Bulbasaur shouted. "**DO IT!**"

"**YEAH, DO IT!**" Absol agreed.

"Hey!" May shouted. "I'm the main character, and my vote counts! Solidad, this is not a democracy, it's a cheerocracy! I'm sorry, but I'm overruling you!"

"You're being a cheertator, May," Rayquaza shot back, "and a pain in my ass!"

"Somebody please blow up the big rock thingy!" Bulbasaur shook nervously. "Like, **NOW**!"

Rayquaza immediately turned to the meteor and used Hyper Beam. The ray of pure energy drilled straight at the falling rock's core. The result was another explosion, and another big flash of white light that again blinded our heroes and Rayquaza.

**To be concluded...**

**Character Guide, Part Nine:** We've finally come down to the last reveal! Hope you enjoyed the story and the wonderful cast of characters! You're only a few pages away from the end...

Solidad (Kanto Grand Festival Champion) as Rayquaza


	11. Epilogue

**May's Awesomely Youthful and Stupendously Unique Expedition  
Story Written by Freedom Fighter**

Okay, ending time! Let's just get to it, folks!

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters portrayed in this fanfic. They all belong to Nintendo and Pokémon USA.

* * *

****

**Epilogue (04.09.07)**

May suddenly came to, popping up in her own bed. She seemed a bit dazed and confused to be there. As if to make sure of herself, she started looking around the room. To her right, she spotted the sunlight peeking through the blinds on the windows. Underneath that was her stuffed Pokémon collection, which stared back at her with their cold, lifeless eyes. In the far right corner lied the door leading into her bathroom; to the near left was the one that went to her closet. In front of her, albeit a bit to the left, was the door that went into the hallway. Just to the right of that was May's clothes dresser, which had a large vanity mirror attached to it, and a jewelry box and a miniature make-up kit on top of it. Lastly, to her left, was her desk, which had a computer on it as well as textbooks, binders, and an assortment of papers and sticky notes.

Yep... May was back in her room. But she... just had to make sure.

"Eeeep..." she winced after pinching her left hand with her right.

There was no doubt about it. She was back in her room, for real. And the alarm clock on the desk was showing 7:15. Satisfied, she hopped out of bed and started preparing for school.

* * *

After picking out her clothes, which was easy considering she had to wear a uniform, she hit the shower. She then got dressed, did her hair, and then started applying some make-up. As she did, she could hear her mom, Caroline, shouting from the hallway.

"May?"

Seconds later, May heard a knock on her door.

"Come in..."

Caroline did, opening the door and peering inside.

"You'd better hurry up or you're going to be late again," she reminder her daughter.

"I know..." May responded without turning her head.

"You know... Max just walked out the door."

"**WHATTTTTTT?**"

May hastily put the finishing touches on her make-up, grabbed all of her books, and then ran past her mom, bolting down the stairs.

"Your lunch is on the counter, sweetie!" Caroline called down after her. "And at least take something to eat for breakfast!"

"Okay!"

* * *

A few minutes later, May caught up to Max about a quarter of a mile away from his school. May panted in exhaustion as she slowed to a calm walk alongside her brother.

"Why do you keep trying to leave without me?"

"Because it's fun to see you try and catch me!" Max snickered.

"Ooh... one of these days, I'll leave early! Then you'll really see what's it like to play catch-up!"

Shortly thereafter, they got to the entrance to the grade school. Already the other young kids were arriving in droves. But one of them had been waiting on the front steps for some time... and that was Mollie, who waved at them from there.

"Mornin' Max! Mornin', Max's sister!"

"Good morning!" the siblings said in unison.

"Now, I'm staying after school today, so make sure you go straight home!" May told her brother.

"I know. That's why I've got the brains and you need tutoring!"

"Hey!" May yelled, lunging at Max, who dodged her.

"See ya later!" he shouted, running past the gate and towards the entrance.

May decided not to follow him, instead deciding on just letting him go... for now. She then suddenly realized that she hadn't had time to tell him of her 'dream.'

Luckily, two other lucky prospects just walked up to her. One who instantly made her presence known, of course.

"May-chan!" squealed Kelly as she wrapped her arms around May at shoulder-length... before proceeding to rub her cheek against her face.

Erica sighed. "I thought I told you to not do that in public. Well, at least not in front of impressionable little minds!"

"Kelly and Erica..." May laughed. "On time, as usual."

* * *

After Kelly had been dislodged from May, which normally took two to three minutes, the trio continued the walk to M Middle School. As they did, May decided that since she basically had a captive audience, she told her friends about her 'dream.'

Their response?

"That sounds just like me!" Kelly said happily, though with a reservation. "But... why a Caterpie? Couldn't I be more majestic, like a Beautifly?"

"And I'm a Metapod with subtitles?" sweatdropped Erica. "I guess that means you think I talk too much."

"No, no!" May tried to reassure them. "I had no choice over who you were. You just... appeared that way."

"Okay," Erica gave in. "Still... you and your brother, as a Bulbasaur... helping to save the world from a giant meteor? No offense... but you don't seem like the super heroine type, May."

"May can do anything she puts her mind too!" defended Kelly. "I believe in her! She's special that way!"

"You make it sound as if my dream was a bad thing!"

Erica patted May on the back. "I guess you must be eating right, because healthy people are happy dreamers. Just don't dream in class... or the professor's gonna come down hard on you."

"And you have to tell me more of this wonderful world of yours," Kelly said to her. "And how I can go there and be a part of it."

"I think you two don't understand that it **WASN'T** a pleasurable dream," cried May.

* * *

It took about ten minutes for the trio to reach the entrance to M Middle School, which was also already teeming with students who were hanging out in the courtyard. Kelly and Erica had moved on to talking about the upcoming math test in first period, while May stayed a step or two behind, lost in thought over what happened.

"Hey."

May stopped in her tracks and looked up. She then looked behind her, where she saw Drew walking in. Kelly and Erica stopped as well, and watched as Drew pulled out a pen from his backpack. He then walked over to May and smiled as he gently grabbed her right hand. Moving it so her palm was facing up, he wrote something down on it, while May stood there frozen and Kelly and Erica's jaws nearly fell to the ground.

"Call me later," he grinned, before walking off.

Drew let go of May's hand and then continued walking towards the school building. May was still frozen in place as Kelly and Erica ran over to see what Drew had written on her palm.

"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh!" screamed Erica. "He just gave you his phone number!"

"My May's growing up!" Kelly whooped excitedly, clasping May's hands with her own and glancing longingly into her eyes.

"Num... num... number?" May stuttered, practically speechless.

"I'm **SO** jealous!" Erica said as she pulled out a notepad and quickly wrote the number down.

"Hey!" May went to object before Erica handed the sticky note to her.

"Go for it, girl! I'm behind you all the way! Get you some!"

"I just hope Brianna doesn't find out. She'd kill me!"

"She can't complain about what she doesn't know!" Erica told May as she brought out a bottle of water from her pack and started trying to rinse the ink off her hand.

* * *

The bell rang as the students took their seats in Class 1-D. After taking roll, Professor Birch had an announcement for them.

"Today, class, we're welcoming a new transfer student!"

The class perked up with interest, save for May, who was still thinking about her expedition. But even she was drawn to the new kid when she opened the door and stepped into the classroom. The boys seemed to pay really close attention to her.

"She's beautiful!"

"She's gorgeous!"

"She's **HOT**! I so wanna..."

"Dude! She's only 12!"

"Well... so are we!"

May was stunned as well of her beauty. But she was about to get an even bigger stunner, as the girl wrote her name on the blackboard.

"Good morning!" she greeted as she bowed to the class. "My name is Dawn Sunshine!"

May gasped. "It's... it's her! That voice... it's Dawn! It's gotta be the same girl from my dream!"

* * *

A few hours later, May spotted Dawn leave the classroom immediately after the bell to start the lunch period rang. May quickly got up and followed her, before her friends could even ask where she was going.

Eventually, May followed Dawn to the back of the school, outside near all of the athletic fields. Dawn had her back to May, as she took out a bento box from her pack... but didn't open it.

"Would you like to join me for lunch... May?"

May was a little shocked that Dawn knew her name. Still, May decided to accept Dawn's request, so she walked over and took a seat on the bench next to her.

"It's... it's really you?"

"Yes," Dawn nodded. "I was Xatu. And, I assure you, everything that happened was real. It may have taken a few weeks in that world, but only one night had passed here in the real world."

"So... stopping the meteor and all that... it actually happened?"

"Don't you remember how it all ended? It ended... and very well, I might add..."

* * *

_Hill of the Ancients_

May awoke on top of the hill, surrounded by the rest of the town. Once they saw that she had come to, they started hollering and dancing in celebration.

"Wha... what happened? Did we?"

"Rayquaza did it!" Bulbasaur exclaimed. "She destroyed the meteor! We've all been saved!"

"Granted," Alakazam interrupted, "there may still be some aftershocks from the fallout. But the worst has past us by! We will continue on with our lives in joy and celebration!"

"Hurray!" yelled the crowd.

May got to her feet and smiled as she watched an impromptu party start up all around her. But suddenly, a voice called out to May.

"May..."

"Gardevoir?"

"Thank you for everything you've done," Gardevoir thanked May. "But now, May, your role here has ended. It is time for you to return to the human world. And to your own body."

May suddenly began to glow white, grabbing the attention of all of those around her. She then was lifted off the ground, as she slowly ascended into the sky.

"May!" Caterpie cried. "Where are you going?"

"I'm..." May uttered, tears flowing freely from her eyes. "I'm going home! Back to my world!"

"But why?" Bulbasaur asked. "Aren't you my friend?"

"You'll always be my friend," May said. "I'll never forget you..."

With that, May was levitated into the clouds and then... she vanished, leaving her Pokémon body and returning to her human body in the real world...

"If you wish..." Gardevoir whispered in May's ear, "you may one day meet again..."

* * *

"So... what Drew, uh, Gardevoir said... is it true? I can meet Bulbasaur and the others again someday?"

"Why does it have to be someday?" Dawn said as she looked up to the sky. "Why not now?"

May began to glow white again. She freaked out when she noticed that she was being lifted off the ground. She lowered her hands to keep her skirt down, which was threatening to flap up with the wind blowing through the air.

"But... I don't want to go now! Can't it be on a weekend or something?"

"Sorry..." Dawn said as she got up and waved farewell to May. "There's only one trip back to the world of Pokémon every 50 years. And it's always one-way!"

"No! Wait, I changed my mind! I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go!"

May kept crying 'I don't wanna go' as she flew higher and higher into the air. Dawn watched as May got further and further away. She kept watching until she couldn't see May or hear her voice anymore.

"Well... May wanted a send-off, and boy, did I give her a send-off!"

Dawn then sat back down on the bench and opened her bento box to begin eating lunch. Only there wasn't any food in there. All that was in there was a big three-year contract. She had already signed on the front page, on the dotted line, right below a very bigger declarative statement.

'By signing this contract, I agree to take the place of May in the anime series and promise to fulfill her duties such as competing in and winning Pokémon Contests and developing long-lasting relationships with fellow travelers Ash and Brock. I promise to outdo May in anyway by looking cuter, dressing to impress, and being all the girl I can be. I also promise that, as my first duty as the lead female of the series, to dispose of the previous lead girl, May, in a way that is befitting her character and stature among the fandom. Even if it means giving her her own fanfiction story and tricking her into thinking everything will be alright in the end.'

'This contract was signed by Hikari, who will thus forth be known as Dawn, on the 20th of April in the year 2007.'

"Don't you just love irony?" Dawn asked the audience. "I know **I DO**!"

With that, Dawn closed the bento box and skipped back into the school, ending the story as the camera pulls back and gives us all one last look at M Middle School before fading to black...

**The End**

**-Author's Notes and Minor Commentary-**  
With that, "May's Awesomely Youthful and Stupendously Unique Expedition" comes to an end! I still can't believe I got through this in six weeks, and in time for the premiere of the 'Diamond and Pearl' anime and video games. This was a very fun, albeit insane, story to write... and I usually don't dabble in the insane. It was a great experiment, and everything considered, if I come up with another wonderful idea, I may try this format again!

Thanks to all of the players who took part in this, with this being the first time I've written almost all of them. I think I did pretty well keeping them in character when needed... and not doing so in some cases for a good joke.

Thanks to all of the readers, including those of you who are reading my works for the first-time. Hopefully, you're convinced now to read all of my other stories, 'Pokémon' or not.

And don't think this is all for 'Expedition.' Be on the lookout for the 'Diamond and Pearl' edition of this fic, exclusively on my website, Freedom's Fighter's Library (http://freedomfanfic. coming out that magical week of April 23rd! You'll see the uncut scenes that didn't make the fic, a guide to every single joke, an alternate ending, and more! Get the whole story behind the story! So much extra material, you would think I had written an entirely new fic! Don't miss out on it the week of April 23rd!

And with that, it's time to say farewell! Thanks for reading once again, and maybe I'll see some of you taking a look at my other works. But most importantly... don't forget to review! I'd really like to see what you all thought of this May-centric story!

Until the next fic...

- Freedom Fighter


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